Dating Site Don'ts 101: Pictures

I have spent alot of time perusing online dating sites. Between Match.com and OkCupid! my chances of running across profiles that make me shake my head in amazement are staggeringly high. So to help people who hope to land someone like me (and really, who wouldn't? I'm pretty great.)or someone in general I have compiled a few suggestions.

Pictures

• Actually include a picture. The one guy who messaged me and knew what Ale-8 was really had me hooked. However, because he didn't have a photo I automatically assumed he looked like Quasimoto's much less attractive brother. He explained the no picture as "being new to the site and was still trying to decide on a picture." EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Wrong answer. Now I assume you are self absorbed and only want your glamor shot up on your profile. Take 10 minutes, crop out your ex, and click upload. Your dating life (and maybe me) will thank you.
• As superficial as it is, if your picture isn't good I'm not interested. Now, I don't mean that you have to look like Brad Pitt's twin (however, if you do please call me). Choose photos that look like you, but you at your best. (i.e. the picture should be in focus, you should be smiling, have your eyes open,  and not of the back of your head). I need to be able to recognize you at the bar, so this is in your best interest.
• There should be at least one close up of you. ALONE. I am not going to dig through ten photos of you with three other people cross-referencing them to figure out which one is you.
• Take off the hat and sunglasses. For all I know, that is your cousin Eddie.
• The photo of you with three others girls, unless it is tagged sister, mom, and grandma, should stay safely in your iPhoto cache. 
•  If your photo just includes your body, please re-examine that decision when the smoke has cleared. It's one thing to want to stay anonymous, but cropping out your head might not be the way to go. Even if you could be Matthew McConaughey's body double, cutting out your head leads me to assume you are a butterface. As in, every thing looks good but-the-face. Honestly, even if you could pass for Tyson Beckford you should probably place the flexing, oiled up, body shot back around photo 3 or 4. Or better yet, keep your clothes on. Leave something to the imagination.
• And for the love of all things dating don't take a picture of yourself in the mirror holding your phone. You look like a moron. A moron who is trying to be sexy photographing themselves in the bathroom. No one wants to date that. Call up a buddy and have them snap a photo for you.