I'm glad it wasn't personal...

It seems most fitting that Zach, Mr.-I-would-be-honored-to-take-you-out-sometime, would rear his curly head this time of year.

Its right around a year ago now that I met him at a party. 

Then agreed to go on a date with him a full three weeks after he called to ask me out. 

I had such a good time on the date I initially didn't even really want to go on, that I proceeded him.
And only him. 

I fell HARD. People have jumped off buildings and had softer landings.

Then POOF! 

He vanished.

VAAAAN----ISHED.

I am an extremely proud person, so I never asked why. I assumed he'd met someone, (someone obviously not as great as me, because who is right?) but she clearly had more of what he wanted. 

Fine. Eff it. Whatevs. His loss.

I told myself all the things we all tell ourselves in these situations. But, I knew deep down that he could have called me and said "Hey. Wanna go out?" and I would have rearranged my whole life to make that date. 

Pathetic? 

Yes.

True?

Certainly. Pathetically true...

I wish I could have at  least pretended to myself I would have had the gumption to drop an "As if!" or agree to meet him and then stand him up.
Let's be real. That was not going to happen.

So how did our paths cross again after so many months of them not crossing?

The same way they crossed last summer.

Kickball.

Yes. I play kickball. Well, more accurately. I show up at the games and sometimes I don't panic when a ball comes flying at me.

Zach and I don't usually play in the same kickball league, but in the summer my league in Irvine closes and we go play in the Huntington Beach league, which is where his team plays. I knew this going into the summer season, but the HB league is HUGE. So the chances of us actually seeing one another were pretty slim. 

Or so I thought. 

As luck would have it, our teams are in the same division. 

And guess which teams played each other first...

YEP. 

Our teams.

I ended up missing the initial game because I was out of town at a conference. And I'm kinda sad about that. That could have created some serious shock value.

And I didn't want him to think I had skipped the game because we were playing his team. 

Nobody keeps Crigger from playing kickball!

Except the coach. When it isn't my turn to play.

So, for the second game of the season, or my first, I roll up to the field looking all sporty-cute. 

Or at least trying to. I'm not terribly sporty.

It was July 4th week so I have on my red Transylvania University sweatshirt and my blue shorts with white stars. These shorts are the smallest shorts on the planet. I have underwear that covers more.

But wearing ridiculous things to kickball is part of the fun. 

And I was in an attention seeking mood. 

When Allison and I walked up the field the very first person I see is Zack kicking a soccer ball around with one of his friends. 

This is the precise moment that I turn into extremely awkward Crigger. 

Does he see me? I hope so! No! I hope he doesn't! What am I going to say if talks to me? I need something prepared. Oh, geeze. He looked my way. Look away quick. Don't make eye contact! Did he see me staring? Is he looking at me? Should I wave? No, definitely not. Can he recognize me from over there? Well, I walked up with Allison, who talked to him last week, so if he saw her then he saw me and he must recognize me. Oh, my gosh. What am I going to do? He is still really cute. Why did he stop calling me? I should just walk over and say hello. NO. Don't do that! If he wanted to talk to you he would have called. He still has your number. Unless he deleted it. Or lost his phone. Stop it Crigger. Stop being a giant weirdo right now. Is he going to talk me? I hope! I'll snub him! No! I'll talk to him. Maybe he'll ask me out again. But do I want to go out with him? I shouldn't! He disappeared! Ugh... 

And this continued until I had to go find the field my team was playing on. 

Which was right beside the field his team was playing on. 

We were so close we were sharing an outfield.

And still neither of us made eye contact.

Everytime someone yelled "Crigger!" or "Kentucky" I simultaneously hoped he was looking for me and prayed he wasn't.
Our games ended, and as I milled around on the field I watched him and his friend head off.
Well, I'll probably see him at the bar...

As Allison, Mere and I stood in line to get into the bar, Zach and his friend walked up to survey the line. I kept my back to them, enthralled in conversation with the girls (yeah...) and assumed they had decided not to wait and headed to another bar.
Dang it. There goes that surprise run-in idea...

"Did you see who's in line?" asked Allison twirling me around.
"Oh geeze! Yes. I saw him." I hissed whirling back around.
"Saw who?" asked Mere.
"This guy I went out with a bunch and really liked. And he just disappeared." I said.
"OH! Who? Where is he?" Mere asked standing up on her tiptoes and looking around.

"See the guy back there in the electric blue hat and dark curly hair?" said Allison. Turns out Zach and his friend had decided to wait in the line after all.
"Is that him?" asked Mere, turning to face us.
I nodded.
"You can totally do better." She said emphatically.

We stood in the line a bit longer, but grew tired of waiting to get into a jam-packed bar.
"Wanna go to Beachfront?" asked Allison.
"Yeah. I'm tired of waiting." I said stepping out of line and making a move to walk down the street.
Hmmmm... looks like they did get tired of waiting after all. 

As we approached Beachfront, guess who is sitting at the end of the bar.
Yep.
Zach.
"I'm not walking in first." I said stepping back behind Allison and letting her lead the way into the bar.
I deliberately walked by Zach with my head turned toward Mere and saddled up at the opposite end of the bar with a few of our friends who'd decided they couldn't stand the line for Sharkeez either.
"Maker's and diet, and a beer." I told the bartender when we finally managed to get her attention.
Hmm... where is Zach? Not at the end of the bar, not behind me... Maybe he's outside. Maybe he saw me and split.
"Maker's and a beer?" said the bartender pulling me out of that I hope was stealthy observation and not psycho stalker mode.
"Oh yeah. Thanks!" I said turning around and handing her a $20. As I handed her the money my eyes rested on Zach's face. There he stood. Chin on his hand, leaning against the bar, staring straight at me across the bar.
Or at least he seemed to be staring at me. He could have been watching the baseball game for all I know. I got so flustered I tried to dash away from the bar without getting my change.

And awkward Crigger is back with a vengeance.

Instead of acting like an adult an walking across the bar and saying the very controversial, "Hello. How have you been?" I flirted with a guy from Wales, kissed no less than two of my lovely male friends on their cheeks, paraded in front of him to the bathroom, and stopped to talk to one of his teammates who is my friend on my way out of the bar.
All in the hopes that he would see me. And come over and talk to me.
As I stood talking to his teammate who responded with "I really like that guy!" as I told him the saga, Zach glanced our direction. In a moment of bravery I raised my hand in kind of a half wave, that he never saw because he turned his head.
Well... there is that. I guess I deserved that.
"Come take shots with us." Steve said motioning to his table.
"No thanks, we are headed out." I said with a wave.

The next day I called my sister to tell her the drama from the night before.
"Mac, why did you do that? You should have just talked to him."
"I know. But I didn't start this story by saying 'Hey! Let me tell you about a really great decision I made last night!' did I? No. I didn't. There is always next week...?"

And ironically, I didn't have to wait until next week to talk to Zach.
But that's a story for another day.