Until Last Night

Wait for it.
Wait for it...

I'm on Tinder.

Say what you want about Tinder, and the hook up culture that not only spawned it, but loves and fuels it, it cuts out a lot of the BS that online dating involves.

For those of you living under a rock and unfamiliar with Tinder, telling you it's the heterosexual version of Grinder probably doesn't help. Tinder employs the ancient technology of thinking someone is cute and being in the same place.

It's basically a bar on a Friday night that allows you to save face if you get rejected.

If you see a photo you like, you swipe right, and if the picture you swiped right on also swiped right on you, then you match. And at that point, message one another.
Otherwise, all those rejects that suffered a swipe left disappear into cyber space. And you can't see those folks you swiped right on that didn't reciprocate.

No more wondering why Joe-Smoe didn't message you after you sent him a smile or why that hot guy holding the puppy didn't message you after looking at your profile.
Does he not like cats, and only likes dogs? Do I look fat in my pictures? Maybe he doesn't like females with more education than he has? Should I take down that comment about loving the Golden Girls? 
It can become maddening.

There is no science behind Tinder. There is no Doctor claiming a superior quality of matches because of the litany of questions you've been forced to answer.

It is all based on proximity and mutual selection.

I'm no longer forced to wade through profiles where Joe, Billy, Tim, Stephen and George to tell me what books they would take to a deserted island and whether or not they prefer elephants to horses. Most of this is garbage that doesn't tell me one real snit about the person.

AND I'm definitely checking out the pictures before I read a single sentence on their profile.

Call me superficial. Call me shallow. But tell me I'm wrong when I claim that in order for a relationship to even get legs, there must as least be a baseline attraction.

Is this superficial? Yes, absolutely.
But it's no more superficial than deciding who you're going to sit down beside at a bar. You like something about the how that person looks, be it their smile, their eyes, or their t-shirt.

And Tinder cuts out all that other BS. I swipe left and send BillyBob into cyberspace exile. Or I swipe right and if Mr. Might-Be-Right has also swiped right it's a match! 90% of my "matches" I never even message, but of these ones I have messaged, and proceeded to go out with I've been pleasantly surprise.

I've met writers, professors, former Marines, entrepreneurs, artists, and engineers.
And I've never been disappointed.

Until last night.

Now, I've had many thoughts about my various dates over the course of my single life.
Some thoughts much more charitable than others...

He's more handsome in person than his pictures online.
Those pictures were taken 5 years and 30 pounds ago.
He should grow his beard back like he had in that one picture. I like beards.
He's had some interesting life experiences.
He seems like he has his life figured out.
His job sounds really complex, he must be smart.
He seems like the worst person on the planet. No wonder he is single.
He seems great! Why is he single...?

But I have never in my life thought "I'm too good for this person who just bought me a drink/ a coffee/ a cupcake."

Until last night.

As Ted and I sat in the coffee shop and I pondered just how old his pictures were and how many pounds he'd put on since they were taken he regaled me with these gems:

• He didn't know that renter's insurance existed, and was stunned to learn that his bicycle would have been covered by it.
• His perspective on foreign language is that "They can have their Japanese/Spanish/French and I'll keep my English because I don't want sound ridiculous."
• His grandparents live 15 minutes from him and he hasn't seen them since 2006

As I sat listening to him, more than a little stunned, I thought, I'm amazing. Why am I wasting my time with this bozo who is trying to plan our second date before we've finished this one and he somehow can't carve out an hour to drive across town to visit the grandparents with whom he has the audacity to claim he has a great relationship? I'm done. Get me out of here. NOW. I don't even want to finish my drink.

Insurance, renter's or otherwise, is something for which any adult should at least possess a frame of reference. Why don't you know what renters insurance is? I know you don't own your home, and that you rent, so presumably you should have lived somewhere that required renter's insurance at some point.

Please, don't tell me that Japanese is so beautiful that you don't want to butcher it, so you didn't learn any while you lived in Japan for two years. If you've ever been on a crowded subway, or trapped in a room of 30 Junior High School students, you know Japanese, like anyway language, isn't always beautiful. And to not want to look ridiculous? Give me a break. If you ever want to learn anything new, you have to be willing to sound/look/be ridiculous. At least for awhile.

And if my grandparents lived 15 minutes away I wouldn't go 8 days, let alone 8 years between visits. Don't tell me you're close with your family, and then tell me that.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm in a very different place in my life than I was 2 years ago when I started this blog. I know what I want in a relationship. In a partner. In the person with whom I choose to build my life. Ted was so far from being that person that I couldn't stand it.

He isn't a bad person. He's not unattractive, mean, or rude.
He's just foolish and his values are misplaced.

I know who I am. I know what I want. And I go see my grandparents.
That makes me too good for him.

Cats Rule. Dogs Drool.

March Madness is my favorite time of the year. 

I start looking forward to filling out my bracket (and taking money from all the guys at work) as soon as the UK/UofL match up happens. I incorporate blue and white into every outfit on game days. I wear my "Go Cats!" button like it is my job, and have a mild panic attack when I can't find it. My boss knows that one of my computer screens will be live streaming games, commentary, or podcasts for the better part of the month of March and he accepts that 90% of everything I say will relate to basketball. I take my foam finger to work and wear it to meetings. I raise my hand twice as often just so I can wave it in the air.

I'm the picture of a professional during the month of March. 

Today is no exception! I am rocking my favorite University of Kentucky shirt and my lucky red shoes. I made sure to add a dash of professional to the game day ensemble with my blazer, because I still need people to believe I'm going to get something accomplished other than reading every news story on KSR and ESPN. 

As I biked across campus, humming the UK Fight Song under my breath, I see the worst site I can imagine. 

A tall, lanky guy wearing a UCONN shirt standing right in the middle of my path smoking a cigarette. I only know one UCONN fan in all of California, and it happens to be Christmas (aka the worst-best date ever). The chances of there being two UCONN fans on campus are about the same as my chance of finding another UK fan wondering around campus at 8:00 am on a Monday morning. 

Slim to none. 

Great... Short of riding my bike through the library, I'm going to have to go right by him. Why did I even like him. He's a smoker and that is so gross. And even worse he is a UCONN fan! Actually, that's not entirely fair, because I do usually root for UCONN. Be the adult here Crigger. Don't ride your bike through the library. Or wreck into the fountain in your haste to get away. Just smile and be polite.

As I got closer I yelled, "You're gonna lose! You're gonna lose!" 

Nice Crigger. Not only was that not exactly polite, but you stole Stilwell's line from 'A League of Their Own'. 

Original. 

And classy. 

"Whaaaa...?" he sputtered before he realize it was I. "You guys just think you are the best team. We'll prove you wrong." He shouted at my back.

"We don't think we are the best. We know it. And after tonight, everyone else will too when we win our 9th title." I yelled over my shoulder as I sped away.

Well... that could have gone worse I suppose. I thought as I pedaled feverishly towards my office.

A little while later my phone lit up with a text message. 

"Care to place a wager on the game Ms. Wildcat?" 

"Absolutely! I love a sure thing!" I typed back to Christmas. "What did you have in mind?"

"Not sure. What do you mind losing?"

"Ha! Over confidence. Nice. It will make beating you that much better!"

"From the one who just said 'sure thing'? You remember what happened the last time you bet me, right?"

"I let you win."

"So you like taking embarrassing photos?"

"That photo is by far one of the least embarrassing photos of me ever taken."

"What would be the most embarrassing photo of you ever taken."

"I'm not telling."

"Then that is what I would like to wager."

"An embarrassing photo?"

"An embarrassing photo shoot."
"No dice. Not that this will happen, because we will win, but I don't want embarrassing photos of me floating around your office."  And when we win I don't want to have to get together with you to take said embarrassing photo of you.

"Fine, what do you suggest?"

"If you UK wins I'll bring you a UK themed outfit to wear to work."

"That is the most boring bet ever."

"You should ask the Kansas fan about the outfit he had to wear to work two years ago..."

UK better win this game! 

I'm not wearing his UCONN crap to work!

 

You're Killing Me Smalls!

Let me set the scene for you.

The night before I flew home for Christmas, I was out with a few co-workers who have become friends. While we were out, I met a guy. We all ended up staying out way too late and the next day he offered to take me to the airport. He showed up at my house with a latte, carried my suitcases, made me promise to call him if I needed anything, and double checked that I got through security without issue.

All signs are pointing to "This person does not think you are gross." 

SCORE!

We texted a few times over the break and at one point I suggested we get together when we are both back on California soil.

To that suggestion, I got a solid week of radio silence. Amelia Earhart had more communication while circling the Burmuda Triangle than I had from Christmas Boy. 

I chalked it up to his loss not mine and went about my merry way.

A few days after I got back to California I received a text from that read, "Sorry for the silence. I've been sick. Want to get together on Sunday for some football and beers?"

"Sure!" I respond.

Hmmm... interesting development. Nearly a week of silence and now football and beers? Okay! I can work with that.

I ultimately ended up having to cancel our date at the last minute, but he was great about it.
Even when it happened for the second time...

Well, I know he can deal with my crazy, spontaneous life and doesn't get upset when plans change... So that's a plus! 

Finally, nearly a month after our first meeting, it works out for us to get together. Christmas comes to pick me and we go to play Trivia at Dave and Busters.

Now, I love Trivia. I used to play Trivia every week when I lived in Pittsburgh. And I've had several great dates that have involved Trivia playing, so I've got fairly high hopes for this date. And in the week preceding this date, I've talked sooooo much trash about how awesome I am at Trivia and how I'm going to wipe the floor with him that now not only is a date at stake, my Trivia Pride is as well.

As it usually happens when I talk smack about how awesome I am at something, the exact opposite happens. It was as if I had cotton balls for brains! The loss was so bad he asked me if I let him win, to which I responded "I'll never tell," hoping he would assume I had.

In my defense those Trivia question were super hard! And I might have been paying more attention to Christmas than the game. Sue me.  And the version we were playing featured much more obscure sporting questions than I really think was fair, and not nearly enough geography and history! 

Since I lost, and we had a bet, and I never welsh on a bet, I had to wear my jacket backwards, tied up like a straight jacket and tell people I had just been let out of a mental institution. In order to get out of my "straight jacket" I had to get two different people to give me a shoulder bump (a high five wouldn't work since my hands were inaccessible).

"This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel! There is a group of junior high school boys standing over there playing video games. I bet I can get them all to give me a shoulder bump." I said as I strode purposely over to the cluster of boys.

"Excuse me?" I said, launching into the mental patient story. "Can I get you give me a shoulder bump?" I asked at the end of my soliloquy.

"Ummm... I don't think so. I don't want to get involved." said one of the guys looking extremely awkward. "This seems like a couple problem."

"Ahhhh come on!" I pleaded.

"Nope." He said turning around.

Well, I guess some guys don't like crazy bitches... Maybe that starts in high school? 

Meanwhile, Christmas is laughing his head off. And taking this picture. 

I'm not sure what is wrong with my eye...

"Seriously?" I say turning around in disbelief. "I can't believe a junior high schooler isn't into this? What junior high school boy doesn't want to give a cute girl a shoulder bump? That guy will help me out!" I say spying some sort of Monk or Priest. What this bearded, black robe clad man wearing a GIANT gold cross around his neck was doing in Dave and Buster's I wasn't quite sure. But given the vows he almost certainly had taken to help the poor and distressed, I figured he was a safe bet. 

"Excuse me sir?" I said planting myself in front of him and starting into my shpeal. Hmmmm, probably shouldn't have mentioned we were betting... The Bible specifically says don't do that. Too late now. Maybe, he'll help me anyway. "Can you give me a shoulder bump?" I asked as I came to the end of the saga.

"Sure!" he says smiling and bumping my shoulder with his. "How many more of these do you need?"

"Just one!"

"Come with me! My niece will help you out." He said with a head nod, leading us through the arcade.

"I"m free! I'm free at last!" I squeal after his niece has bumped my shoulder. "Thank you guys so much!"

After we left the Monk and his arcade loving family, we headed over to play some ski ball (Which I won, thank goodness! I had to redeem myself!)

A few games of ski ball, some speed racer driving game that I was atrocious at, we decided we had had enough game playing and headed to check out the "prizes". After perusing the high quality items ranging from a Wii that took a gazillion million tickets, to the bouncing balls and expandable back-scratchers that only took a mere 500 tickets, we decided to spend our tickets on a unicorn.

Now, I didn't really want this unicorn, but it seemed really important to Christmas that we leave with something. 

"I hate to take your tickets." I said. "You should keep them and then next time you're here you could get something that you actually want."

"No, it's fine! Tickets are for spending. Hopefully, you'll look at this and remember a fun time."

"I'm sure I will." I said as we left the store. Is it rude to shove this thing in my purse? I feel ridiculous carrying a stuffed unicorn! Just carry it to the car Crigger! He did a nice thing!

Back at my house, I said, "Well, do you want to come in and hang out for awhile? Or are you ready to call it a night?"

"I can hang out for awhile."

"Alright. Want a beer or a bourbon?" I asked as we walked into the kitchen.

"I'd take a water. I should probably stop drinking since I will have to drive at some point."

"Okay." I said pouring him a water.
I hand him the glass and he takes a long, slow drink.

"Geeze, timing just sucks." He said clenching the glass.

"Ummm... how so?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I've kind of started seeing someone. And it isn't that I'm not attracted to you, because I am. It's just timing."

"Oh." I literally said Oh. It was like I had been lifted up out of my body and couldn't form real words. 

"You're really great. And I do like you. And tonight was really fun."

What the heck is happening right now? If you are seeing someone exclusively then we should never have gone out. And if it isn't exclusive, what does that person have to do with me, because I, for one, was just on a great date. Were you not on that date? Did we go on two different dates together. And, by the way, damn straight I'm great! Clearly too great for you, idiot! 

These were all things that ran through my head in the 10 second pause I used to pick myself off the floor.
Did I say any of these things?
No.  

Instead I went with this gem: "It's all about timing. Everything in life is."

Seriously, Crigger. Pull it together. Not that timing isn't important, but geeze!

"Ugh, sometimes I hate being so honest." He said dropping his forehead into his palm

Excuse me? What does that even mean? I believe what you mean is that you are honestly, kinda cheating on someone right now if you feel the need to have this discussion with me!

"Honesty isn't a bad thing." I say awkwardly, as if I am trying to make him feel better. 

WHAT?! Great line Socrates. I hear them scratching that one into a stone tablet right now. I'm sure it will be preserved for the ages.

"I would like to have just kept my mouth shut, because I'm really attracted to you."

I think I might vomit. Don't vomit! You just cleaned the floor!

"Ugh, this sucks." He said, stepping forward and giving me weirdly tight hug.

This sucks for you? Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me because I am pretty sure I'm the one getting dumped by someone I'm not dating after a great second date, where I willing made a fool of myself. Are you for real? Why are you hugging me so tightly? It is like you're trying to memorize me. This is weird. I want you to leave.  I want you to not be touching me. Get. Out. GET. OUT. GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!!!!!

"Well, um call me when it doesn't work out with that less awesome girl..." I said pushing him towards the door.
"Ugh. I just wish I hadn't been honest."
Why? Do you think if you hadn't had this conversation that we'd be getting wild upstairs right now? 
"Good night." I said opening the door.
Seriously? Did that just happen? Is he for real? Was this some strange dream and I'll wake up very confused tomorrow? I thought as I slammed the door a bit harder than I meant to behind him.

Doubtful. Very doubtful. I thought picking up Martin (named since it was MLK weekend) the Unicorn and walking upstairs to my room.

Well, work is certainly going to be awkward the next time I bump into him on campus. I thought tossing the unicorn into the back of my closet. 

Oh, did I forget to mention that Christmas is my co-worker?

Yep.

#FML

East of the Mississippi and South of the Mason Dixon Line....

"Can we use this chair?" I asked two guys sitting a table over from us at Edley's BBQ.
Hmmm... the one with a little bit of scruff on his face and that curly chestnut hair is kinda cute. He looks kind of familiar. Ehh... You just think everyone looks familiar when you are in a familiar place. 
"Sure. Sure." said scruffy kind of pushing the chair away from the table and towards me with a smile.
"Great! Thanks!" I said dragging the chair way without so much as a backwards glance. "This should be enough right?" I asked Hans returning to the table.
"That's 12? Yeah..." He said counting up the people in our party. "That covers us all."
"We'll all just have to sit big until everyone else gets here." I said dropping my scarf and Laura's purse at opposite ends of the table and looking back over at Scruffy.
"I swear. That guy who gave us the chair looks so familiar to me. But I don't know why."
"Really? Maybe you know him?" said Laura. "Or maybe he just has one of those faces that looks familiar."
"Yeah... Maybe. I kinda think I actually know him though. I'm going to have to go ask. Maybe he went to college with me." I said leaning over to Laura.
"Go ask him!"
"Is that weird? Hey, you look familiar. Do we know each other?"
"I don't think it's weird. But I've never met a stranger so maybe I'm not a good judge of weird."
"Great, now I just look like a stalker because I keep staring." I said as we both laughed and turned back to our table.
"Alright! Let's go order. Brian and Amy can hold down the table." said Hans standing up and starting make his way over to the counter.

Smithfield, the duo we had gone to see perform at a showcase for their new record deal, happen to be friends with Laura and Hans and were sitting at the table when we returned.
I took a seat beside Trey, one part of the duo.
"You guys were really great tonight." I said after I had introduced myself.
"Thanks," he said. "We've had a lot of support along the way and some really great opportunities. I attribute most of our success to the amazing breakfast Hans made for us when we came out to audition originally."
"Yes. I'm sure it had nothing to do with hard work. Merely a solid breakfast."
"Were you at the show?" Jennifer, the other part of the duo asked, as she extended her hand across the table to me.
"Yes. Ya'll were great." I said realizing I get much more country when I'm in the south. "Do you have any of your songs on YouTube or anything? I would love to tell some of my friends about you guys."
"Not really... None of the videos we have are that great. Though I did see Laura taking a bunch of video tonight, so maybe one of those will work!" Trey said nudging Laura.
"Maybe!" She said with a smile.
"You should get some of your stuff out there. It is amazing the cult-like following that can develop around local artists. I know a duo from Eastern Kentucky who basically crowd sourced their early stuff and now they are blowing up. And they were successful largely because they had a fan base that was down right evangelical about them. Don't get me wrong, they are also extremely talented and hardworking! But a little fan support can go a long way!"

As we ate our dinners, casually played along with the Trivia game happening in the restaurant, and told funny childhood stories about building forts, wrecking on bikes, and tricking the little kids into always being it when we played tag, I couldn't shake the feeling that the guy we had gotten the extra chair from was someone I knew.
And because I couldn't shake the feeling I kept staring at him like a creeper, and making at least one additional trip to the bathroom that I didn't really need...

"Are you ready to go?" Laura asked an hour or so later.
"Sure. Just let me go ask that guy if he went to Transy." I said standing up. "I swear he looks like the guy who worked in the Beck Center." I said as I grabbed my purse.

"Excuse me?" I asked stopping by Scruffy's table. "Did you go to Transy?"
"Why yes I did, Ms. Crigger."
"I thought you looked so familiar when I borrowed that chair, but it took me awhile to place you. Why didn't you say something earlier? Your name is Blaine right?"
"Yeah. That's it." He said with a smile. "Do you live in Nashville now?"
"I don't. I'm here for work for a few days. I live in southern California. What are you doing now?"
"Well, I'm an attorney now. I actually just moved back to Nashville a few months ago. I was here for awhile after law school, then took a career opportunity that moved me about for a few years, but now I'm back." he said with smile. "I just couldn't stay away. I like this place too much."
I don't remember him being so chatty in college. But then again I didn't spend a lot of time, or any time actually, talking to him in college. He certainly wasn't this cute in college. Or maybe I just didn't pay attention...
"How long are you in town?" Blaine asked breaking me out of my daydream.
"I'm here for a few more days."
"Great! We should get a drink before you leave and catch up. Are you leaving now?" he asked as Laura walked up beside me.
"Yeah, we are. I have to work early in the morning." Stupid work! "But we should absolutely get a drink before I leave. That would be nice." I said.
"Are you on Linked In?" he asked.
"Yes..."
"Okay! Find me on there and we'll set something up."
Did I really just have someone tell me to find them on Linked In? That is a new one. 

"He's cute." said Laura as we walked to the car. "He went to college with you?"
"Yeah. He was a year behind me. Worked at the fitness center with my friend. But I'm pretty sure that conversation right there is the longest one we've ever had."
"That's funny."
"Yeah, I guess we'll see if we actually get together."

Back in my hotel room I washed my face and was crawling into bed just as my phone buzzed.
Blaine has added you as a contact! My Linked In app flashed briefly on the screen.
Wow, that was fast. I thought as I picked up my phone and opening the Linked In app to accept the contact request. Who uses Linked In instead of Facebook for social things? Kinda odd. Oh well! 
I clicked accept and another notice popped up.
Blaine has sent you a message.
"Mackenzie, it was great to see you tonight. Give me call and we'll grab a drink before you leave. Here's my number XXX-XXX-XXXX" the message read.

Copying the number into my contacts I quickly typed out a text.
"Hey Blaine! It was great to see you as well. I'm leaving Wednesday afternoon, but I'm free tomorrow night if that works for you."
His nearly instant reply back read, "Tomorrow is actually my birthday and I'm supposed to go to my friend's house for dinner. You're welcome to come."
"Well, I don't want to cramp your birthday style. I'm supposed to meet my friend Laura for dinner anyway."
"Well, I'm free right now...? But you probably have to work early tomorrow."
"I do. And I literally just got in bed."
"Well, why don't you give me a shout when your free tomorrow and maybe we can grab a late drink."
"Sounds goof."
"Good*"
"Incidentally, I thought you looked really cute tonight."
"Thanks. That is flattering." I really should have hung out with the KAs more in college. "Alright, I'm off to bed. Night night!"
"Sleep well."

The next day Blaine and I texted through out the day and made tentative plans to meet up after I had dinner with Laura and Hans if his party was still going on. When I called him at 9:30, the party was winding down, it was a work night after all. But he suggested grabbing a drink in his neighborhood, which was close to where Laura, Hans and I had dinner.

I met Blaine at his apartment and had a quick tour.
"Well, this is it! Would you like a drink?" he asked.
"Bourbon?"
"Of course."
"Then, certainly. I'm going to use your restroom quickly." I said as my heels clicked down the hardwood hallway.

"Thanks." I said as he handed me my bourbon.
"Let's go sit down." Blaine said nodding towards the living room and letting me lead the way.
"What are you doing over there?" He asked walking over and taking my hand, pulling me from the chair to the couch.
"I don't know... Sitting?" I asked as I sat down beside him on the couch.
"This is better." Blaine said as he put an arm around my shoulders.
"Yes." I said relaxing against his side. "So, what has been going on since your days at the Beck Center and Transy?"
"Oh you know... Law school. Working. Normal stuff. What about you?"
"Oh you know... moving around the world. Studying a profession I never thought people who pay me to actually do. Not normal stuff."
"Yeah, you weren't one for normal. I can remember in college, when you came around we were all on our best behavior."
"Ahhh, well you probably remember Super Serious Sorority President Crigger. I spent a year being terrified that something horrible was going to happen to someone and it was going to be my fault."
"Now it all makes sense."
"So why did you end up back in Nashville?" I asked taking a sip of bourbon. "Oh, Basil Hayden's. That's nice."
"Nashville is just a really easy place to live. It is the south, but not too slow. There is plenty going on. And I have a lot of friends here."
"Nashville is great. I would love to live here."
"You should move."
"Well, if you know of someone who is hiring a sustainability manager. Or you know someone who is independently wealthy and wants to pay me to hang out in Nashville, you let me know."
"Alright. I'll do that." He said leaning in and kissing me lightly on the lips.

Blaine and I continued to talk about college, post-college lives, work, good bourbon, perks of a southern accent in So-Cal.
"The one and only reason I don't want to leave California for the South is I'll no longer be the girl with the cute accent."
"I think you'll do just fine." Blaine said.
"Well, its getting late. My cab just texted they were close. I should go downstairs." I said looking at my phone.
"We should hang out again when your back East of the Mississippi. When will that be?"
"Probably not until December."
"Well, let me know. It was really fun spending time with you."
"I'll keep you posted." I said as we walked out the door.

With a kiss on the cheek and wave over my shoulder I climbed into the cab.
I have go to get back to the south!
Southern men just get it. 
Or at least they get me.

Intriguing

I met Nathaniel when he called and scheduled a meeting with me at work. During our initial meeting I sussed out pretty quickly that his company probably wasn't going to be able to help me much, and that was fine, because so was he. I make it a pretty firm rule to not date anyone with whom I'm doing business. He took the "thanks, but no thanks" like champ, and that isn't always the case. He even followed up with an email letting me know how the restaurant I had recommended turned out.

That email spawned about a week's worth of flirty emails back and forth and eventually a happy hour invite with the promise to call me to sort out the details. True to his word, he called me that night and after a fun and flirty phone call we settled on drinks at a bar I love in my old neighborhood in Santa Ana. It had somehow become a running joke about getting him to venture out of Laguna. 

The day of our happy hour date he texted to say he needed to cancel because he had to go to LA for work. I texted back, "That's fine and completely understandable. Another time."

Over the next week a few hap-hazard attempts were made to reschedule, but it never worked out and I kind of forgot about him.

A few weeks later, I ran into him at an event where I was serving as one of the panelists. I managed a quick wave, but was literally surrounded by people who wanted to talk to me (Now I know how Lady Gaga feels...), so I couldn't actually talk to him.

Oh well. 

That brief run-in spawned another round of flirty emails.
Here we go again. A lot of build up, and little to no follow through. I thought as I typed another coy line.

It was in one of these emails that I mentioned I was having people over for Memorial Day and he was welcomed to come.
He said thanks, but he would be in San Francisco most of the weekend.
So that was that.
Handsome.
Successful.
In my field, but not a direct competitor.
And, never gonna happen.
Dang it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I headed back to my house on Sunday of of Memorial Day Weekend my phone rang. Glancing down, not recognizing the number, but being concerned that a work project wasn't going as planned, (nothing was on this project) I answered.
"Hello, this is Mackenzie."
"Wow. Someone is formal." said Nate with a laugh.
"Oh! Hey! This isn't your usual number... I thought you were going to be a guy from work calling to ruin my day by telling me something awful had happened on a project."
"Nope. I'm calling from my personal phone. I am just getting back to the OC and I was going to see if the party plans were still going."
"They are indeed. I'm on my way home right now to start drinking. The party will probably kick off in a few hours."
"Great! I'll try to come by. I'm supposed to hang out with a few friends."
"Well, they are welcomed to comes as well. The more the merrier!" I said hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 10:30 that night Nate and his three friends showed up on my doorstep to a party that was going full force. We had made our way in from the beach and we were just setting up drinking Jenga and eating the last of the open bag of marshmallows. I had nearly given up that he was coming, despite his text messages to the contrary, so when he walked in, I was pleasantly surprised.

We spent the rest of the evening congregated in the kitchen alternatively sitting on bar stools, leaning against cabinets and perching on counters as our friends slowly mixed.
It was nice. And it never occurred to me to brush my beach bonfire wind blown hair, or change out of my sandy leggings and v-necked shirt.

Eventually, the party thinned out with people claiming couches, calling cabs, or staggering to the local bars. I hugged Nate, and told him to give me a call and we'd hang out again.
But once again I didn't really know whether or not expect his call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imagine my surprise when he called the next day to say thanks for including him and his friends in the festivities and also to invite me over to his house in Laguna Beach to watch the new season of Arrested Development. At this point I still had a few hung over stragglers in my apartment, so I told him I'd have to let him know and went back to watching Arrested Development with Jesse.

Eventually, Jesse left and I called Nate to tell him I was free for the rest of the day if the offer was still open.
"Come on over! I'm just hanging out. I'll text you my address."
"Sounds good. See you soon." I said hanging up the phone and hopping in the shower.

I brushed on a little make up, half dried my hair so it had a nice wave to it, but didn't look like I was trying too hard, and slipped on a pair of skinny black jeans and a striped top.
Perfectly casual I thought, slipping on flip-slops and grabbing my leather jacket in case it was cold that evening.

"I know you don't like vodka, and that's pretty much all I have." said Nate after he'd given me a tour of his apartment.
"No worries, I brought a bottle of wine." I said pulling it out of my purse. "Do you have glasses."
"Yep." he said reaching to take the bottle from me and opening it. "They are just behind you. Can you grab them."
"Sure." I said opening the door to the cabinet.
"How far along in Arrested are you?"
"Pretty far... It is so much funnier now that I live here. I can't stop watching it!"
"Want to watch some?"
"Of course! That's why I'm here. It has nothing to do with the company." I said with a wink over my shoulder as I led the way into the living room.

Dang it!  I should have let him lead the way. Now I have to figure out where to sit. If I sit in the chair, that kind of says don't sit near me. But if I sit on the couch, maybe that says something too. Maybe this doesn't even matter and we really are just buddies who like the same TV shows...

"Ahhh... watching Mad Men?" I said sitting down on the couch.
"Yep. Nearly finished with the episode. Do you mind?" He said taking the chair.
"Nope. Not at all. I watched it this morning with the hung-over crowd. It's a good one."

Three episodes of Arrested Development later we decided it was time for dinner and walked down the street to a restaurant with a great outdoor patio overlooking the ocean.
"Let's walk down to that little view point first before we go in." Nate said motioning about 50 feet on down the sidewalk.
"Is that where you are going to kill me and toss my body into the ocean."
"I figured I'd let you eat first."
"That's nice of you." I said stepping into the gazebo set up at the view point. "Its so gorgeous here." I said as we took in the last of the sunset.
"Yeah. I try to walk down here and  to the boardwalk everyday. If I don't I feel like I'm missing something."
"I know what you mean. If I don't at least see the ocean everyday I feel like I'm not taking advantage of where I live!" I said smiling up at him.
"Yeah..." he said, trailing off as an Indian couple walked into the gazebo. "Ready to head to the restaurant?"
"Sure." I said following him up the short path to the restaurant patio.

We ordered drinks and food and settled in under the heaters with the waves crashing down below.
"Are you warm enough?" he asked reaching over and rubbing my arm.
"Oh yeah. I'm fine. My jacket is warm, despite the run in with Wolverine." I said raising my arm to show him the tears in the fabric that were the result of an unfortunate fight I had with a moving walk-way in Vegas.
"How did that happen?" Nate asked wide-eyed.
"It was mostly karma biting me in the bum." I said launching into a story that makes me sound evil.
"You are horrible." he said with a laugh. "I hope I'm never in a wheel chair and depending on you for help!"
"I know! I know! I told you the story makes me sound like a horrible human!" I wailed.

We talked on about our families, how we ended up doing what we are doing, cities we love, wedding toasts we have given, worst jobs we've had, and the time just flew by.

"Not that I wasn't before, but I am even more intrigued by you after hearing all your stories." Nate said as we waited for the check.
"That is one of the most flattering things I've ever been told." I said smiling. He's either extremely honest, or extremely smooth, but regardless, that is extremely flattering. 
"Let's go down to Nick's. They have a great Moscow Mule and I owe you one since I never met you for Happy Hour at the place in Santa Ana." He said standing up.
"Yes, you do! But I bet their Moscow Mule isn't as good as Chapter One's! A guy with a handlebar mustache makes it for there, and that makes all the difference!"

We headed down the boardwalk and kept chatting the whole way. There weren't any awkward pauses with us trying to fill the silence. It was easy, and fun.

Arriving at Nick's, Nate ordered us two Moscow Mules and we continued on the date that I wasn't initially sure was a date, but we pretty sure now it was since he bought my dinner.

An hour later we finished our Moscow Mules and decided to head back to his house since it was getting late and we both had to work the next day. Walking back along the virtually deserted boardwalk Nate pulled me to stop and turned to face me.

"I'm not sure this is the right place to do this, but... what the hell." he said putting one hand on my cheek and bending down to kiss me.
Yes... kissing me on the boardwalk in Laguna Beach is clearly the wrong place. If this is the wrong place, I'm not sure where the right place is? A canal in Venice? Under the Eiffel Tower? On the back of an elephant in India? Hmmmm... he's a pretty good kisser.

We continued to kiss on the boardwalk, his hands getting tangled in my hair, for a few more minutes. I could hear footsteps passing us on the boardwalk and a couple out walking their dog. It never occurred to me tone down our PDA, and I am not one for PDAs.

Eventually, we stopped kissing and continued our walk back to Nate's house hand in hand.
"Well... I'll see you later." I said digging in my purse for my car keys.
"Wait. You can't leave. We still have the final episode of Arrested Development to watch!"
"It's late... and you have to work early and so do I."
"It's one episode."
"I'm so sleepy though. I'll fall asleep."
"Come on. One more episode. You know you want to know what happens." Nate said pulling me gently toward the stairs.
"Ok. Fine. But if I fall asleep its your fault."

True to my word, I fell asleep and woke up to the Arrested Development theme song being played and my head resting on Nate's chest.
"I have to go home." I said softly to Nate who was also asleep.
"No you don't. Just sleep here." he muttered hugging me and kissing my forehead.
"I can't sleep here. I don't have pajamas. And I'm not sleeping in these jeans. They have like a million zippers." I said sitting up.
"OK... Fine... I"ll walk you out." Nate said standing up and stretching. "But you really can stay here. I'll sleep on the couch."
"That's a nice offer. But I need to go home." I said putting on my jacket.

Nate kissed me again as he opened my car door, and waved me out of his drive.
As I drove down PCH I wondered, Could I date him? Yes. I decided. I definitely could. Would he date me? Will this go anywhere? Or will it be like my other amazing date in Laguna that went no where fast?

I'm glad it wasn't personal. Part 2

So after an awkward dance of avoiding one another (at least on my end) at kickball on Monday I called my Mom to fill her in on the events of the previous evening.
"Mackenzie. If you want to talk to him. Talk to him." said my Mother, ever the cut-and-dry, voice of reason and practicality in my life.
"I know. I should just talk to him. But he has my phone number and he stopped talking to me. If he wanted to talk to me, he would." Even as I said it I knew I sounded like petulant child.
"Well, Mackenzie, you know how I feel about that nonsense. If you want to talk to him. Talk to him. And when you do, tell him I said hello." Some of you readers may remember Mom met Zach in Kentucky.
"I'm calling Courtney." I said hanging up and dialing my best friend's phone number.

"Well, I don't think he deserves a phone call from you after the way he acted." She said once hearing the story and learning that I was considering calling him in an attempt to clear the air.
"Yeah. Maybe not. But I don't want things to be weird every single time I see him."
"I know. But he seems like an idiot."
"You may be right. I'll sleep on it."

I woke up glad I hadn't called him, but still feeling like I wanted to reach out somehow.
I know! I'll send out a text, inviting people over for the 4th of July BBQ.

The text looked something like this:
"Hey guys! Having a BBQ/house party on the 4th. Feel free to come by. If you want something other than bourbon or tofu, bring it!"

And then I waited.

A few hours later I got this response from Zach
"Thanks! By the way who is this? (New phone)

Really... Who is this? Did you also lose you power of deductive reasoning when you lost your phone? Who else do you know out here that eats tofu and drinks bourbon? I'm not replying to this right now. This moron can wait. 

Finally, a few hours later, at the encouragement of my friend Dana, I text him back.
"It's Mackenzie."
"Heeeeeeey yo. How are you?" was his nearly instant text back.
"I'm really good! How are you?"
"I'm glad the work week is over. What makes you 'really' good. Saw your friend a 2-3 weeks ago."
I wasn't aware I needed a reason to be really good... And you saw my friend 2-3 weeks ago? YOU SAW ME TWO NIGHTS AGO YOU BIG IDIOT! Was he pretending not to see me, or did he really not see me... Boys are weirdos.
"Which friend?" I asked playing dumb since I already knew he had seen Allison two weeks ago at kickball. "And life is just going really great right now. Work is amazing. My family was out for a bit, I've had a steady stream of friends visiting."
"The one from AZ. Totally forgot her name. Awesome about the family coming out."
"OH! Allison. Yeah. She and I live together now."
"So it did work out? Where did you find a place?"
"Yep. We are on the peninsula." And you should already know that because my address was in the original text message!
"Jealous."
"Well you are welcome to visit any time. We have an extra parking space."
"Hahahaha. The parking space element humored me."
It humored you did it? Interesting choice of words... "Down here that is a real selling point."
"Well congrats on the new joint!"

As Zach and I continued to text each other Dana and I chatted about the whole weird situation.
"I couldn't not ask why he stopped calling." said Dana.
"I usually don't want to know. I'm usually glad when people disappear! I'm usually the one trying to vanish! I pretend that when I stop dating someone they cease to exist. The not knowing in this instant does drive me crazy though!"
"Ask him!"
"Ok! I'm doing it!"

"So... why did you stop calling me?" I texted.
"I can't point an exact finger on it. But work slammed me, and pretty much has since then. And I traveled alot, and I guess out of sight out of mind, as shitty as that sounds."
"Well, I'm glad it wasn't personal." I always kind of worried he had heard about the blog or something.
"No. Besides the cat. I was pushing my own boundaries with that."
WHAT! You mean to tell me that you stopped dating me because I had a cat! WTH! And every time you came over you played with Sprinkles and acted like you liked him. Oh good grief. This is ridiculous. 

But instead of flipping out I responded with this. Which I found hilarious.

Evidently, he didn't find it quite so humorous because he didn't respond.

Oh well. 

The next day, while lying on the beach with Dana, Kelsey, and Allison my phone buzzed.

"Well, well, well... guess who just text me asking if he can come over?"

"Zach?!" they all said.

"Yep."

"What are you going to say?" asked Kelsey.

"I'm going to tell him sure." I said typing out the message.

"Cool. Rolling deep?" He typed back.

"Fine." I text, assuming he meant he was bringing some friends over as well.

"Rolling deep? Who says that? Where are we? Compton?" asked Kelsey when I read his reply.

"Well I guess we can assume he's bringing friends... And on that note, I should probably shower." I said standing up and dusting the sand from my legs. "And maybe shave my legs..."

As the evening wore on and more friends congregated, Zach never showed. But I didn't really care. I was having fun with my friends. Eventually I got a text from him saying they'd gotten stuck at a bar about a mile from my house and apologizing. 

Dana texted back from my phone, "Fine." 

And for once, it really was fine. 

I'm sure I'll see him at kickball again, and maybe we'll chat and things won't be weird. 

Or maybe we'll chat and things will be super weird. Maybe we won't even chat at all. 

But regardless of what happens, it really will be fine. 

I'm glad it wasn't personal...

It seems most fitting that Zach, Mr.-I-would-be-honored-to-take-you-out-sometime, would rear his curly head this time of year.

Its right around a year ago now that I met him at a party. 

Then agreed to go on a date with him a full three weeks after he called to ask me out. 

I had such a good time on the date I initially didn't even really want to go on, that I proceeded him.
And only him. 

I fell HARD. People have jumped off buildings and had softer landings.

Then POOF! 

He vanished.

VAAAAN----ISHED.

I am an extremely proud person, so I never asked why. I assumed he'd met someone, (someone obviously not as great as me, because who is right?) but she clearly had more of what he wanted. 

Fine. Eff it. Whatevs. His loss.

I told myself all the things we all tell ourselves in these situations. But, I knew deep down that he could have called me and said "Hey. Wanna go out?" and I would have rearranged my whole life to make that date. 

Pathetic? 

Yes.

True?

Certainly. Pathetically true...

I wish I could have at  least pretended to myself I would have had the gumption to drop an "As if!" or agree to meet him and then stand him up.
Let's be real. That was not going to happen.

So how did our paths cross again after so many months of them not crossing?

The same way they crossed last summer.

Kickball.

Yes. I play kickball. Well, more accurately. I show up at the games and sometimes I don't panic when a ball comes flying at me.

Zach and I don't usually play in the same kickball league, but in the summer my league in Irvine closes and we go play in the Huntington Beach league, which is where his team plays. I knew this going into the summer season, but the HB league is HUGE. So the chances of us actually seeing one another were pretty slim. 

Or so I thought. 

As luck would have it, our teams are in the same division. 

And guess which teams played each other first...

YEP. 

Our teams.

I ended up missing the initial game because I was out of town at a conference. And I'm kinda sad about that. That could have created some serious shock value.

And I didn't want him to think I had skipped the game because we were playing his team. 

Nobody keeps Crigger from playing kickball!

Except the coach. When it isn't my turn to play.

So, for the second game of the season, or my first, I roll up to the field looking all sporty-cute. 

Or at least trying to. I'm not terribly sporty.

It was July 4th week so I have on my red Transylvania University sweatshirt and my blue shorts with white stars. These shorts are the smallest shorts on the planet. I have underwear that covers more.

But wearing ridiculous things to kickball is part of the fun. 

And I was in an attention seeking mood. 

When Allison and I walked up the field the very first person I see is Zack kicking a soccer ball around with one of his friends. 

This is the precise moment that I turn into extremely awkward Crigger. 

Does he see me? I hope so! No! I hope he doesn't! What am I going to say if talks to me? I need something prepared. Oh, geeze. He looked my way. Look away quick. Don't make eye contact! Did he see me staring? Is he looking at me? Should I wave? No, definitely not. Can he recognize me from over there? Well, I walked up with Allison, who talked to him last week, so if he saw her then he saw me and he must recognize me. Oh, my gosh. What am I going to do? He is still really cute. Why did he stop calling me? I should just walk over and say hello. NO. Don't do that! If he wanted to talk to you he would have called. He still has your number. Unless he deleted it. Or lost his phone. Stop it Crigger. Stop being a giant weirdo right now. Is he going to talk me? I hope! I'll snub him! No! I'll talk to him. Maybe he'll ask me out again. But do I want to go out with him? I shouldn't! He disappeared! Ugh... 

And this continued until I had to go find the field my team was playing on. 

Which was right beside the field his team was playing on. 

We were so close we were sharing an outfield.

And still neither of us made eye contact.

Everytime someone yelled "Crigger!" or "Kentucky" I simultaneously hoped he was looking for me and prayed he wasn't.
Our games ended, and as I milled around on the field I watched him and his friend head off.
Well, I'll probably see him at the bar...

As Allison, Mere and I stood in line to get into the bar, Zach and his friend walked up to survey the line. I kept my back to them, enthralled in conversation with the girls (yeah...) and assumed they had decided not to wait and headed to another bar.
Dang it. There goes that surprise run-in idea...

"Did you see who's in line?" asked Allison twirling me around.
"Oh geeze! Yes. I saw him." I hissed whirling back around.
"Saw who?" asked Mere.
"This guy I went out with a bunch and really liked. And he just disappeared." I said.
"OH! Who? Where is he?" Mere asked standing up on her tiptoes and looking around.

"See the guy back there in the electric blue hat and dark curly hair?" said Allison. Turns out Zach and his friend had decided to wait in the line after all.
"Is that him?" asked Mere, turning to face us.
I nodded.
"You can totally do better." She said emphatically.

We stood in the line a bit longer, but grew tired of waiting to get into a jam-packed bar.
"Wanna go to Beachfront?" asked Allison.
"Yeah. I'm tired of waiting." I said stepping out of line and making a move to walk down the street.
Hmmmm... looks like they did get tired of waiting after all. 

As we approached Beachfront, guess who is sitting at the end of the bar.
Yep.
Zach.
"I'm not walking in first." I said stepping back behind Allison and letting her lead the way into the bar.
I deliberately walked by Zach with my head turned toward Mere and saddled up at the opposite end of the bar with a few of our friends who'd decided they couldn't stand the line for Sharkeez either.
"Maker's and diet, and a beer." I told the bartender when we finally managed to get her attention.
Hmm... where is Zach? Not at the end of the bar, not behind me... Maybe he's outside. Maybe he saw me and split.
"Maker's and a beer?" said the bartender pulling me out of that I hope was stealthy observation and not psycho stalker mode.
"Oh yeah. Thanks!" I said turning around and handing her a $20. As I handed her the money my eyes rested on Zach's face. There he stood. Chin on his hand, leaning against the bar, staring straight at me across the bar.
Or at least he seemed to be staring at me. He could have been watching the baseball game for all I know. I got so flustered I tried to dash away from the bar without getting my change.

And awkward Crigger is back with a vengeance.

Instead of acting like an adult an walking across the bar and saying the very controversial, "Hello. How have you been?" I flirted with a guy from Wales, kissed no less than two of my lovely male friends on their cheeks, paraded in front of him to the bathroom, and stopped to talk to one of his teammates who is my friend on my way out of the bar.
All in the hopes that he would see me. And come over and talk to me.
As I stood talking to his teammate who responded with "I really like that guy!" as I told him the saga, Zach glanced our direction. In a moment of bravery I raised my hand in kind of a half wave, that he never saw because he turned his head.
Well... there is that. I guess I deserved that.
"Come take shots with us." Steve said motioning to his table.
"No thanks, we are headed out." I said with a wave.

The next day I called my sister to tell her the drama from the night before.
"Mac, why did you do that? You should have just talked to him."
"I know. But I didn't start this story by saying 'Hey! Let me tell you about a really great decision I made last night!' did I? No. I didn't. There is always next week...?"

And ironically, I didn't have to wait until next week to talk to Zach.
But that's a story for another day.