No news is goodnews; except in dating

So... it would appear that while Mr. Butterflies still gives me the butterflies, the feeling is no longer mutual.

Actually, if I am honest with myself it is waaaaaaaaay past butterflies. We are in full-blown like territory. Like... doodling hearts with his name inside them like... Who am I? A 6th grader.

Well, obviously, yes.

How did it happen so quickly you wonder? Beats me! Unfortunately, I have managed to royally muck it up somehow by just being me. The rational side of my brain says "If he doesn't think that your fossil-fascinated-yoga obsessed- moonshine-preferring self is not the best thing the internet has ever given him, then he really is not the guy for you. Regardless of all the sparks you clearly hallucinated. You psychotic moron that no one likes."

That was my overly dramatic alter ego coming out at the end... But this battle goes on and on in my head making me envy Cybil. She might have had multiple personalities, but at least they weren't yelling at each other inside her brain. Or maybe they were. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't really know. But you know who would know? That's right. Mr. B. But I certainly can't call him up and ask him what it sounded like in Cybil's head. Then I will look crazy. Or more crazy, as the case may be. He might already think the moonshine has addled my brain. GUH!

So here I am, all Miss Havisham-esque, checking my phone ever two seconds just to see if I have missed something.

AS IF I would miss something on MY phone.

It chirps, buzzes, sings, gurgles, and generally startles me ALL DAY LONG. Even when it is on silent, it still vibrates! And it is never further than than an arm's reach. Heaven forbid someone calls and I miss the opportunity to screen them...

It's a really gnarly bummer. (Come on, I live in Cali now... of course I say bummer. And gnarly. Am I even using those words right? I need a dictionary.)

The frustrating part is I have no idea why he doesn't seem interested anymore.

And what infuriates me is that through this whole process I have been the one in control. I am the one calling the shots.

This is my world, the boys are just buying my dinner in it.

Until now.
 
After our great second date two weeks ago I heard from him consistently. Not too frequently that it freaked me out, but often enough that when he stopped texting it started to freak me out.

Friday: Great Date!
Saturday: He asked about my dentist appointment.
Sunday: He asked me how the rest of my weekend went.
Monday: He texted me that he was listening to Sundy Best (my favorite band, and if you aren't listening to them you need to be). A good sign. He likes me enough to seek out a band I love.
Tuesday: I received a text and a picture of a new bourbon he just bought. He was either trying to impress me, or make me jealous. It worked on both accounts
Wednesday: He called me "Adorkable" after I told him about a green HVAC seminar that I went to and LOVED!
Thursday: I got a Happy Birthday and a "So you wont mind when I take you to celebrate soon" when I told him I celebrate my birthday for a month.
Friday: We chatted about Casablanca and chess.
Saturday: There was A TON of banter. We talked about California design, how much Eames stuff rocks, bow-ties, good bourbon (do we see a theme?), and end of life care. Our interests are teasingly diverse.
Sunday: Nothing, but it was my parents' last full day in the OC so not surprising.
Monday: I "accidentally" butt-texted him and got back "Agreed". To which I waited at least an hour before replying, only to get no response. I know... I know... I'm kind of playing games here, but I just couldn't help myself! Come on! Don't act like you've never been here.
Tuesday: No communication from either side.
Wednesday: This is the text I sent,
          "Not to sound like Babyface, but when do I get to see you again?"
           Mr. B followed up with, "You're so 90s! Awesome!"
           To which I replied, "They gave us so much; puff paint, tomodachi pets, and Vanilla Ice's
           serious music  career."
          And then crickets...  For two days... Going on forever.

So clearly he doesn't want to see me again. Or he would have suggested some time when he is free!?

Right...?

Where did Mr. I-feel-like-we-really-connected (he said this at the end of our first conversation) go?  When he said that I thought, easy there over-eager Ph.D. Don't show all your cards just yet.

And now here I am thinking, I thought we connected too? Why don't want to see me again? What's wrong with me? Why aren't you banging down my door like Matrimony-Matty and Yacht-Boy? And the new slew of guys that show up as my Matches by Mail and Quiver Matches daily?

Maybe this is payback for the boys that liked me that I never called back? Who knows?

But I will say this about that... I never told someone I was going to go out with them and didn't. I might have said "I had a nice time." But I never said, "Let's do this again." Only to not follow through.

And Mr. B, if you have managed to find my blog- because you know I write one- know that this short term psychotic break will pass. As soon as you ask me out again I'll be back to my adorkable self.