One thing that a year of dating will result in is a lot of time to reflect on what you want in a partner. The standard tall, dark and handsome takes on a very descriptive meaning.
Tall becomes 6 feet even since I'm pretty short and don't want neck strain, but also want my kids to have a shot at playing basketball. Dark becomes an olive-y, Mediterranean complexion with longish, slightly curly hair the color of Norway Maple tree bark. Handsome morphs into green eyes, a strong jaw, a Roman nose, and nice rosy lips that are just plump enough to make him a great kisser without looking girly, tying it all together. Oh, and some nicely developed pecs that make a great pillow for napping, defined, but not too washboard-y abs, and a great pair of arms that are perfect for cuddling, carrying out the trash, and packing a punch should he need to defend my honor.
Obviously, I've had some time to create my perfect man. Now I just need to find a lab that can build him.
Aside from building my dream imaginary boyfriend, it will also give you a lot of time to wonder how people who you know, and don't really love, (or even like for that matter) end up married when you can't manage to get past the fourth date without doing something idiotic that makes a guy you're into stop calling. Or without hearing him saying something dumb, at which point you decide he is the span of Satan and stop taking his calls. This perpetually leaves me wondering things such as "What do these yea-whoos have that I don't? Where are they buying their love potions because obviously I'm getting ripped off!"
Tall becomes 6 feet even since I'm pretty short and don't want neck strain, but also want my kids to have a shot at playing basketball. Dark becomes an olive-y, Mediterranean complexion with longish, slightly curly hair the color of Norway Maple tree bark. Handsome morphs into green eyes, a strong jaw, a Roman nose, and nice rosy lips that are just plump enough to make him a great kisser without looking girly, tying it all together. Oh, and some nicely developed pecs that make a great pillow for napping, defined, but not too washboard-y abs, and a great pair of arms that are perfect for cuddling, carrying out the trash, and packing a punch should he need to defend my honor.
Obviously, I've had some time to create my perfect man. Now I just need to find a lab that can build him.
Aside from building my dream imaginary boyfriend, it will also give you a lot of time to wonder how people who you know, and don't really love, (or even like for that matter) end up married when you can't manage to get past the fourth date without doing something idiotic that makes a guy you're into stop calling. Or without hearing him saying something dumb, at which point you decide he is the span of Satan and stop taking his calls. This perpetually leaves me wondering things such as "What do these yea-whoos have that I don't? Where are they buying their love potions because obviously I'm getting ripped off!"
Gahhhhh. First world problems are soooooo difficult.
Waaaa Waaaa.
Waaaa Waaaa.
As I have mulled over what I want my partner to look like, I've also thought about what they should be like. I have come up with a rather exhaustive list.
Some things on the list are silly (and negotiable) like they have to pretend to be an English Lord should we ever run into any of my ex-boyfriends. I would also let them pretend to be a Prince or an astronaut in this situation.
Look at me, compromising away!
Others are a little more serious; He must think my parents are the most amazing people in the world, which should be a slam dunk, because they are. And he must love my friends like he picked them out himself!
But one trait I hadn't considered important, or even considered at all, was that my future hubs should love my stories. I know, its crazy to think that someone wouldn't love my stories, but my ex-boyfriend hated them. I would launch into some story about something funny, sad, gross, interesting, and/or shocking (basically insert any event/person/country/animal/topic and I have no less than three stories about it*) and before I was even to the good part he would cut me off and say "Just give me the highlights."
This made me want to scream "I AM NOT A CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE FOUND IN THE DENTIST OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T DO HIGHLIGHTS! ASS-CLOWN!"
But I never screamed at him, and I never called him an ass-clown (though it is a surprisingly fitting description) because yelling and calling people names isn't my style, which might surprise some of you given my flair for dramatics in my story telling.
I never realized how much the ex not liking my stories hurt my feelings until after my recent ice cream date with Arhma.
Arhma is really smart, funny and easy to talk to. I found myself telling him loads of my ridiculous stories (but none of the dating stories). During our date he made the comment that I was really funny and had some amazing stories.
Take that Adam Carolla! Women are funny!
Take that ex-boyfriend! My stories are awesome!
The next day I got the following text message "I had a great time last night. Thanks for coming out. Your stories are really hilarious!"
Now, maybe he was just sucking up, but I don't think so.
When guys suck up, they compliment your shoes. Not your funny bone.
How can someone who spent a total of two hours with me think that I am hilarious and clearly enjoy my stories, and someone I dated for almost three years was always so eager to hush up, literally, that part of myself?
It baffles me.
But the one thing I know for sure about my future husband, he must love stories. Especially mine.
Some things on the list are silly (and negotiable) like they have to pretend to be an English Lord should we ever run into any of my ex-boyfriends. I would also let them pretend to be a Prince or an astronaut in this situation.
Look at me, compromising away!
Others are a little more serious; He must think my parents are the most amazing people in the world, which should be a slam dunk, because they are. And he must love my friends like he picked them out himself!
But one trait I hadn't considered important, or even considered at all, was that my future hubs should love my stories. I know, its crazy to think that someone wouldn't love my stories, but my ex-boyfriend hated them. I would launch into some story about something funny, sad, gross, interesting, and/or shocking (basically insert any event/person/country/animal/topic and I have no less than three stories about it*) and before I was even to the good part he would cut me off and say "Just give me the highlights."
This made me want to scream "I AM NOT A CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE FOUND IN THE DENTIST OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T DO HIGHLIGHTS! ASS-CLOWN!"
But I never screamed at him, and I never called him an ass-clown (though it is a surprisingly fitting description) because yelling and calling people names isn't my style, which might surprise some of you given my flair for dramatics in my story telling.
I never realized how much the ex not liking my stories hurt my feelings until after my recent ice cream date with Arhma.
Arhma is really smart, funny and easy to talk to. I found myself telling him loads of my ridiculous stories (but none of the dating stories). During our date he made the comment that I was really funny and had some amazing stories.
Take that Adam Carolla! Women are funny!
Take that ex-boyfriend! My stories are awesome!
The next day I got the following text message "I had a great time last night. Thanks for coming out. Your stories are really hilarious!"
Now, maybe he was just sucking up, but I don't think so.
When guys suck up, they compliment your shoes. Not your funny bone.
How can someone who spent a total of two hours with me think that I am hilarious and clearly enjoy my stories, and someone I dated for almost three years was always so eager to hush up, literally, that part of myself?
It baffles me.
But the one thing I know for sure about my future husband, he must love stories. Especially mine.
*I can see you are skeptical about this claim, feel free to test me.
I LOVE your stories too! BTW- the best thing I ever did when I was single and dating was make an exhaustive list what I needed in a partner. It was for real like 62 traits and attributes... nothing on my list involved looks, but more who there are inside. It really helps put into perspective what you need, versus what they can offer. It seemed to make dating much easier and made me SUPER happy when I found someone who hit the target! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Colene! You are the best! I have a feeling my list will be at least that long! Have you watched MissAdvised? One of the girls on that show turns her list into a song. I think that has some merit. That way I can just introduce myself, play a video about my self I'm considering uploading to YouTube to save time on 1st dates, and then sing this song. If this approach doesn't work, I know he's not for me! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading! I truly appreciate it as you one my role models for how to be amazing at life!