Standing at the bar, waiting for my bourbon, I feel a tap on my shoulder.
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Umm... maybe. I don't know you, do I?" I responded skeptically.
"No, no. My name is Jeff. The favor is, I need you to be really mean to my friend."
I must have made a crazy I'm-not-mean-to-people-who-don't-deserve-it-face because he quickly followed it up with, "He lost a bet and he has to use a pick-up line I give him on a girl I pick out."
"Yeah... I'm not going to be mean to your friend."
"Please! It will be funny." He begged.
"No. I'm not going to be mean to him, even if he lost a bet."
"Come on! It will be funny!"
"Being mean to strangers isn't really how I get my kicks." I said trying to step away from the bar, but finding myself cornered between occupied chairs and the very insistent man-boy who was begging me to be mean to his friend.
"Please! Please!"
"No. I've got to get back to my friends anyway." I said pushing past him and making my way back to my friends.
A few minutes later a guy dressed in a Hawaiian shirt approached me.
Oh dear lawd... this must be the guy who lost the bet.
"Can I ask you a question?" he said
Yep. Gotta be him. I might as well play along.
"Sure."
"Are you Irish."
"No. Actually, I'm Scottish."
"That's weird because my penis is Dublin."
Oh. My. Gosh. Does this ever really work for anyone?
"That's disgusting. And the only reason I haven't just smacked your face and walked away is because I know your friend sent you over here."
"Yeah. He did."
"And in the future, if your friend gives you a terrible line and tells you to use it. Don't. Just tell the girl she should laugh and then you'll be on your way."
"Yeah... It was pretty bad. I'm Joshua, by the way."
"I'm Crigger."
"It's nice to meet you. Do you play kickball too?" He asked.
"I do, but not in this league." I said scanning the crowd looking for someone to rescue me.
"Oh really? Which league do you plan in?"
"Irvine." Come on Allison, Nathan, Lyla, Darrin, Heather... Someone. ANYONE!
"Oh! What? I play in Irvine! I've never seen you. I would remember." he said a little too excitedly.
"I'm not playing this season. I needed a break. John!" I said reaching out and putting my arm around his waist as he walked by. Maybe Joshua will think we are seeing each other. Everyone else does apparently! "Have you two met?"
"No."
"John, this is Joshua. Joshua, this is my friend John. He plays kickball too." I said gesturing between the two.
"Nice to meet you."
"How do you get yourself into these situations?" Whispered John.
"I'm too nice." I said out of the side of my mouth just as John got pulled away.
Don't leave me!!!
I ended up chatting with Joshua for a few more minutes and just as I was about to make my exit his friends informed him it was time to go, but he had to get my number before they would let him leave.
"Can I get your number and maybe we can talk more about Japan?"
Do I fake number this guy? I'll see him again most likely... He is in WAKA. And if I fake number him and he uses it, he'll know I fake numbered him. But if I don't fake number him and he calls, I'll have to talk to him again. Neither of these are great options. Eh, he's pretty hammered, he isn't going to remember talking to me. And if he does well, he probably wont call.
"Sure." I heard myself saying.
"Thanks a lot guys." I said making my way outside to where my friends where clustered getting some air. "At least it wasn't as bad as when Allison forgot to call me when I was on a terrible date!"
"Ahhh Crigger. He seemed nice," chimed Heather.
"Well, let me test this pick up line on you and see if you still think he seems nice. Are you Irish?"
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Umm... maybe. I don't know you, do I?" I responded skeptically.
"No, no. My name is Jeff. The favor is, I need you to be really mean to my friend."
I must have made a crazy I'm-not-mean-to-people-who-don't-deserve-it-face because he quickly followed it up with, "He lost a bet and he has to use a pick-up line I give him on a girl I pick out."
"Yeah... I'm not going to be mean to your friend."
"Please! It will be funny." He begged.
"No. I'm not going to be mean to him, even if he lost a bet."
"Come on! It will be funny!"
"Being mean to strangers isn't really how I get my kicks." I said trying to step away from the bar, but finding myself cornered between occupied chairs and the very insistent man-boy who was begging me to be mean to his friend.
"Please! Please!"
"No. I've got to get back to my friends anyway." I said pushing past him and making my way back to my friends.
A few minutes later a guy dressed in a Hawaiian shirt approached me.
Oh dear lawd... this must be the guy who lost the bet.
"Can I ask you a question?" he said
Yep. Gotta be him. I might as well play along.
"Sure."
"Are you Irish."
"No. Actually, I'm Scottish."
"That's weird because my penis is Dublin."
Oh. My. Gosh. Does this ever really work for anyone?
"That's disgusting. And the only reason I haven't just smacked your face and walked away is because I know your friend sent you over here."
"Yeah. He did."
"And in the future, if your friend gives you a terrible line and tells you to use it. Don't. Just tell the girl she should laugh and then you'll be on your way."
"Yeah... It was pretty bad. I'm Joshua, by the way."
"I'm Crigger."
"It's nice to meet you. Do you play kickball too?" He asked.
"I do, but not in this league." I said scanning the crowd looking for someone to rescue me.
"Oh really? Which league do you plan in?"
"Irvine." Come on Allison, Nathan, Lyla, Darrin, Heather... Someone. ANYONE!
"Oh! What? I play in Irvine! I've never seen you. I would remember." he said a little too excitedly.
"I'm not playing this season. I needed a break. John!" I said reaching out and putting my arm around his waist as he walked by. Maybe Joshua will think we are seeing each other. Everyone else does apparently! "Have you two met?"
"No."
"John, this is Joshua. Joshua, this is my friend John. He plays kickball too." I said gesturing between the two.
"Nice to meet you."
"How do you get yourself into these situations?" Whispered John.
"I'm too nice." I said out of the side of my mouth just as John got pulled away.
Don't leave me!!!
I ended up chatting with Joshua for a few more minutes and just as I was about to make my exit his friends informed him it was time to go, but he had to get my number before they would let him leave.
"Can I get your number and maybe we can talk more about Japan?"
Do I fake number this guy? I'll see him again most likely... He is in WAKA. And if I fake number him and he uses it, he'll know I fake numbered him. But if I don't fake number him and he calls, I'll have to talk to him again. Neither of these are great options. Eh, he's pretty hammered, he isn't going to remember talking to me. And if he does well, he probably wont call.
"Sure." I heard myself saying.
"Thanks a lot guys." I said making my way outside to where my friends where clustered getting some air. "At least it wasn't as bad as when Allison forgot to call me when I was on a terrible date!"
"Ahhh Crigger. He seemed nice," chimed Heather.
"Well, let me test this pick up line on you and see if you still think he seems nice. Are you Irish?"
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