I've known Andy for awhile, so when he asked me to go scuba diving with him I wasn't worried that he was going to murder me and then feed me to a shark. After all, I've been to his office. I've met his friends. He's met my roommate and, incidentally, my boss one afternoon when he dropped a couch in my office. To hear my co-workers tell it he basically threw the couch into my office. And I believe that, since it was sitting on its side when I came back from a meeting.
Anyway...
On the off chance he did try to kill me and use me for shark bait, I was pretty sure I could out swim him.
A theory which was confirmed after spending a day scuba diving with him.
Arriving in Shaw's Cove just after noon I called Andy, "I'm here! I'm parked at Cliff and Brea."
"Hey, Criggs! Great! I'll be right up. I'll help you carry your stuff."
"Awesome! I'm just putting on my wetsuit."
Five minutes later Andy strolls up. "Why are you putting on your wetsuit now?"
"I don't want to carry it, AND everything else." I say straining to pull the knees pads up to where my knees actually are. "I hate wetsuits!" I grumble still struggling.
"Where is your regulator?" he asked picking up my BCD
"GAAAAH!" I say exasperatedly pulling wetsuit up over my thighs. "It should be in my bag. My fingers have gone numb. And the crotch is at my knees!"
"Jump up and down."
I dutifully jump a few times. "It's not working." I say like petulant child.
Andy just shakes his head and picks up my BCD, slinging on to his back. "Let me help you."
"I don't think you can."
"Just come here." he said waving me over. "Here we go!" he said grabbing hold of my wetsuit, lifting me off the ground in the process, and shaking me like you shake a feather duvet to redistribute the feathers.
"Put me down. This is ridiculous. It's good enough anyway." I said wiggling out of his grasp.
Andy picked up my tank and we head for the stairs leading down to the beach.
Ugghhh... coming up is going to be less than amazing. I think as I gaze down at the 50 steps that end in the sand.
"Geeze this is heavy." Andy says tapping the tank.
"Hey, at least you don't have to carry my wetsuit too." I said smiling.
Reaching the sand we make our way over to Rob, Andy's friend who has joined us for moral support (i.e. helping us hook and zip things we can't reach and alerting the authorities if we don't come back).
"Hey Rob! How's it going?" I said with a wave. "Is that your doggie?"
"Hey! Pretty good. Yeah, this is Ellie." He said motioning to a daschund-esque dog now half hiding behind him. "She is kind of timid."
"Seems like it. I should have lined my wetsuit with bacon. Then she would love me."
"Alright Crigs. Let's get this show on the road." said Andy dropping my tank with a soft plop on the sand and picking up his wetsuit.
"I guess that means I need to get this thing the rest of the way on." I said stretching my arms down and awkwardly trying to push my hands down the sleeves. "As soon as you get the least little bit sweaty these things are hard to get on!"
"Criggs... I think its on wrong side out."
"No it isn't." I said looking down.
Damn...
"You HAVE GOT to be kidding me!" I said stomping my foot.
Sure enough.
Wrong.
Side.
Out.
"How did I manage this?" I wonder half to myself and half out loud. "At this rate it will be tomorrow before we even get in the water!"
"You are ridiculous."
"Yes. Ridiculously amazing." I said attempting to peel the wetsuit from my clammy body.
"Oh. Yes." was Andy's sarcasm laced reply.
"I need to sit down. I'm getting winded." I said flopping down on the sand and kicking my feet up in the air. "Robert, pull this off me, will you? Andy, are you in your underwear?"
"Yes."
"What's wrong with swim trunks?"
"They don't fit inside a wetsuit."
"Oh..."
Fifteen minutes later I had somehow managed to get my wetsuit on a second time.
This time right side out.
Praise. The. Lord.
"Alright. Let's do this!" I said as I crouched to wiggling into my BCD and standing up slowly under the heavy weight.
"I would have helped you with that."
"No worries! I'm way tough. I do yoga." I said walking towards the water, swinging my flippers. "Coming?" I called over my shoulder.
"Right behind you."
I had waded waist deep into the water and turned back towards the shore to look for Andy as I put on my flippers. That's when I saw him rolling around in the surf.
Hmmmm... what a weird way to check your regulator. But to each his own. I thought as I leisurely back stroked a bit further out.
After five minutes and still no Andy I righted myself from my reclining position and scanned the surf. There was Andy, still flopping around like a beached whale.
Why is he rolling around over there. Maybe I should check on him? Nahh... After all the only people who drown in an inch of water are babies, right? I thought as I leaned back and continued to float around past the wave break.
Five more minutes pass, and Andy was still rolling around in the surf.
"Andy! What are you doing?"
"My tank came unhooked!" He yelled as he awkwardly tried to avoid getting hit in the face by an on-coming wave. "I can't get up."
"Unhook your BCD!" I yelled as I started to swim towards him. "Is this your flipper?" I asked snatching a fin from a wave and holding it in the air.
He nodded yes.
I think.
It was really hard to tell with the waves hitting him in the face.
Wading back through the surf, I reached Andy. Looking down, I said, "Why don't you take off your vest?"
"I was afraid it would wash away." he said unclipping his BCD and struggling free.
"I doubt that. It is pretty heavy. Here's your flipper." I said flinging it up the beach, and picking up the other side of Andy's vest so we could drag his tank back to shore. "You've lost almost all your air." I said turning the regulator so he could see it.
"Awesome." he grumbled stomping up the shore, dragging his tank like Linus dragging his blanket.
By now, Andy's Dad had arrived, and offered to run up to the dive shop at the top of the hill and rent him another tank, since his struggle in the murky 18 inch depths had really taken it out of him.
"Rent me some more goggles too." Andy said from where he was sprawled out on the sand, attempting to catch his breath after being battered by the surf.
When Andy's dad returned with his new tank and googles, we got suited up and back out into the water fairly quickly.
"Alright Criggs. Let's do this for real this time." he said putting in his regulator.
"Well, I consider it a success that you made it out past the wave break this time."
With that I put in my regulator and slowly started to sink.
After what felt like at least 5 minutes I looked up to see how far down I was.
Not even two feet? WTH? Why aren't I sinking? Hmmm... looks like Andy is having trouble sinking too... his eyes are still above the water.
"What's the deal?" I asked breaking surface.
"I can't sink."
"Me neither. Maybe I didn't bring enough weights?"
"I'm just going to swim down."
"Ok. See you down there." I said as Andy pitched himself forward in an effort to swim down a few feet, making his weights fall out of the pockets of his new vest, which of course had a different weight belt.
I clapped my hands to try to get his attention, but nothing worked.
Well, I'll just get them when I get down there. If I ever get down there... Seriously how have I only sunk three feet. This is ridiculous. Forget getting those weights, the current will have pushed me away from them before I ever get down there.
Two more feet.
Hmmmm... my ear hurts. My ears never hurt. Try holding your nose and blowing out.
Nope.
Maybe moving my head back and forth and pulling on my ears will help. That's what Mom does on planes.
Also, unsuccessful.
Maybe it doesn't work in water?
Now I know why babies cry so much on planes. This really hurts.
This blows.
And it is super cloudy. I can't see anything.
OOOO bright pink starfish.
Okay, that made this unfortunate situation somewhat better.
Hmmm... wonder where Andy is. I'm doing all scuba things wrong right now. I lost my buddy, I can't sink, my ears are messed up. I'll probably get nitrogen poisoning too. But I suspect I'm not deep enough for that to become too much of a concern at this point.
Seriously, where is Andy?
Oh, there are his feet. Is he back up on the surface?
"Hey! What are you doing up here?"
"Hey! There you are. I can't sink, I lost all my weight. I'm just going to chill out up here and wait on you."
"I saw you drop your weights and I tried to get you or them, but I couldn't. Sorry."
"I don't care. Its a rental. Sorry the diving is so bad."
"I saw a hug pink starfish, so all isn't lost. I'm going to go back down for a bit. I'll be back soon."
Seriously. Why can't I sink? The only thing I see are Andy's feet. I'm over this.
"Let's go. I'm over it."
"That was quick." said Andy.
As we dragged ourselves back to shore, Rob walked out to meet us.
"How was it?"
"Not great. Andy lost all his weights, but I saw a giant pink starfish!"
"Well, there is that..."
"Rob, pull this wet suit off me." I said flopping down on a towel and stick my feet up in the air.
"Hang on. I'm unzipping Andy."
"Ugh. Okay." I said wiggling out of my suit down to my knees. "Andy, why are you standing around on
a public beach in your underwear?"
"I don't want to put on jeans. And that is all I brought."
Then from out of no where came the loudest laugh.
"BAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAA. That sucks dude." said some random dude walking down the beach, while he pointed at Andy.
"I know, right? F&^% me."
"ANDY! There is a child over there."
"I don't care. Well, I guess I shouldn't have said it so loud."
"Andy do you want my shorts? I'll wear your jeans." offered Rob.
"Yes."
"So now you are both going to be standing here in your underwear? Awesome. You do know other people can see you, right?"
"Yes. Mr. Chuckles is still over there laughing."
*Full disclosure-- This wasn't a date, but it was too funny not to share. Thanks Andy and Rob for being sports about making an appearance in the blog.
Anyway...
On the off chance he did try to kill me and use me for shark bait, I was pretty sure I could out swim him.
A theory which was confirmed after spending a day scuba diving with him.
Arriving in Shaw's Cove just after noon I called Andy, "I'm here! I'm parked at Cliff and Brea."
"Hey, Criggs! Great! I'll be right up. I'll help you carry your stuff."
"Awesome! I'm just putting on my wetsuit."
Five minutes later Andy strolls up. "Why are you putting on your wetsuit now?"
"I don't want to carry it, AND everything else." I say straining to pull the knees pads up to where my knees actually are. "I hate wetsuits!" I grumble still struggling.
"Where is your regulator?" he asked picking up my BCD
"GAAAAH!" I say exasperatedly pulling wetsuit up over my thighs. "It should be in my bag. My fingers have gone numb. And the crotch is at my knees!"
"Jump up and down."
I dutifully jump a few times. "It's not working." I say like petulant child.
Andy just shakes his head and picks up my BCD, slinging on to his back. "Let me help you."
"I don't think you can."
"Just come here." he said waving me over. "Here we go!" he said grabbing hold of my wetsuit, lifting me off the ground in the process, and shaking me like you shake a feather duvet to redistribute the feathers.
"Put me down. This is ridiculous. It's good enough anyway." I said wiggling out of his grasp.
Andy picked up my tank and we head for the stairs leading down to the beach.
Ugghhh... coming up is going to be less than amazing. I think as I gaze down at the 50 steps that end in the sand.
"Geeze this is heavy." Andy says tapping the tank.
"Hey, at least you don't have to carry my wetsuit too." I said smiling.
Reaching the sand we make our way over to Rob, Andy's friend who has joined us for moral support (i.e. helping us hook and zip things we can't reach and alerting the authorities if we don't come back).
"Hey Rob! How's it going?" I said with a wave. "Is that your doggie?"
"Hey! Pretty good. Yeah, this is Ellie." He said motioning to a daschund-esque dog now half hiding behind him. "She is kind of timid."
"Seems like it. I should have lined my wetsuit with bacon. Then she would love me."
"Alright Crigs. Let's get this show on the road." said Andy dropping my tank with a soft plop on the sand and picking up his wetsuit.
"I guess that means I need to get this thing the rest of the way on." I said stretching my arms down and awkwardly trying to push my hands down the sleeves. "As soon as you get the least little bit sweaty these things are hard to get on!"
"Criggs... I think its on wrong side out."
"No it isn't." I said looking down.
Damn...
"You HAVE GOT to be kidding me!" I said stomping my foot.
Sure enough.
Wrong.
Side.
Out.
"How did I manage this?" I wonder half to myself and half out loud. "At this rate it will be tomorrow before we even get in the water!"
"You are ridiculous."
"Yes. Ridiculously amazing." I said attempting to peel the wetsuit from my clammy body.
"Oh. Yes." was Andy's sarcasm laced reply.
"I need to sit down. I'm getting winded." I said flopping down on the sand and kicking my feet up in the air. "Robert, pull this off me, will you? Andy, are you in your underwear?"
"Yes."
"What's wrong with swim trunks?"
"They don't fit inside a wetsuit."
"Oh..."
Fifteen minutes later I had somehow managed to get my wetsuit on a second time.
This time right side out.
Praise. The. Lord.
"Alright. Let's do this!" I said as I crouched to wiggling into my BCD and standing up slowly under the heavy weight.
"I would have helped you with that."
"No worries! I'm way tough. I do yoga." I said walking towards the water, swinging my flippers. "Coming?" I called over my shoulder.
"Right behind you."
I had waded waist deep into the water and turned back towards the shore to look for Andy as I put on my flippers. That's when I saw him rolling around in the surf.
Hmmmm... what a weird way to check your regulator. But to each his own. I thought as I leisurely back stroked a bit further out.
After five minutes and still no Andy I righted myself from my reclining position and scanned the surf. There was Andy, still flopping around like a beached whale.
Why is he rolling around over there. Maybe I should check on him? Nahh... After all the only people who drown in an inch of water are babies, right? I thought as I leaned back and continued to float around past the wave break.
Five more minutes pass, and Andy was still rolling around in the surf.
"Andy! What are you doing?"
"My tank came unhooked!" He yelled as he awkwardly tried to avoid getting hit in the face by an on-coming wave. "I can't get up."
"Unhook your BCD!" I yelled as I started to swim towards him. "Is this your flipper?" I asked snatching a fin from a wave and holding it in the air.
He nodded yes.
I think.
It was really hard to tell with the waves hitting him in the face.
Wading back through the surf, I reached Andy. Looking down, I said, "Why don't you take off your vest?"
"I was afraid it would wash away." he said unclipping his BCD and struggling free.
"I doubt that. It is pretty heavy. Here's your flipper." I said flinging it up the beach, and picking up the other side of Andy's vest so we could drag his tank back to shore. "You've lost almost all your air." I said turning the regulator so he could see it.
"Awesome." he grumbled stomping up the shore, dragging his tank like Linus dragging his blanket.
By now, Andy's Dad had arrived, and offered to run up to the dive shop at the top of the hill and rent him another tank, since his struggle in the murky 18 inch depths had really taken it out of him.
"Rent me some more goggles too." Andy said from where he was sprawled out on the sand, attempting to catch his breath after being battered by the surf.
When Andy's dad returned with his new tank and googles, we got suited up and back out into the water fairly quickly.
"Alright Criggs. Let's do this for real this time." he said putting in his regulator.
"Well, I consider it a success that you made it out past the wave break this time."
With that I put in my regulator and slowly started to sink.
After what felt like at least 5 minutes I looked up to see how far down I was.
Not even two feet? WTH? Why aren't I sinking? Hmmm... looks like Andy is having trouble sinking too... his eyes are still above the water.
"What's the deal?" I asked breaking surface.
"I can't sink."
"Me neither. Maybe I didn't bring enough weights?"
"I'm just going to swim down."
"Ok. See you down there." I said as Andy pitched himself forward in an effort to swim down a few feet, making his weights fall out of the pockets of his new vest, which of course had a different weight belt.
I clapped my hands to try to get his attention, but nothing worked.
Well, I'll just get them when I get down there. If I ever get down there... Seriously how have I only sunk three feet. This is ridiculous. Forget getting those weights, the current will have pushed me away from them before I ever get down there.
Two more feet.
Hmmmm... my ear hurts. My ears never hurt. Try holding your nose and blowing out.
Nope.
Maybe moving my head back and forth and pulling on my ears will help. That's what Mom does on planes.
Also, unsuccessful.
Maybe it doesn't work in water?
Now I know why babies cry so much on planes. This really hurts.
This blows.
And it is super cloudy. I can't see anything.
OOOO bright pink starfish.
Okay, that made this unfortunate situation somewhat better.
Hmmm... wonder where Andy is. I'm doing all scuba things wrong right now. I lost my buddy, I can't sink, my ears are messed up. I'll probably get nitrogen poisoning too. But I suspect I'm not deep enough for that to become too much of a concern at this point.
Seriously, where is Andy?
Oh, there are his feet. Is he back up on the surface?
"Hey! What are you doing up here?"
"Hey! There you are. I can't sink, I lost all my weight. I'm just going to chill out up here and wait on you."
"I saw you drop your weights and I tried to get you or them, but I couldn't. Sorry."
"I don't care. Its a rental. Sorry the diving is so bad."
"I saw a hug pink starfish, so all isn't lost. I'm going to go back down for a bit. I'll be back soon."
Seriously. Why can't I sink? The only thing I see are Andy's feet. I'm over this.
"Let's go. I'm over it."
"That was quick." said Andy.
As we dragged ourselves back to shore, Rob walked out to meet us.
"How was it?"
"Not great. Andy lost all his weights, but I saw a giant pink starfish!"
"Well, there is that..."
"Rob, pull this wet suit off me." I said flopping down on a towel and stick my feet up in the air.
"Hang on. I'm unzipping Andy."
"Ugh. Okay." I said wiggling out of my suit down to my knees. "Andy, why are you standing around on
a public beach in your underwear?"
"I don't want to put on jeans. And that is all I brought."
Then from out of no where came the loudest laugh.
"BAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAA. That sucks dude." said some random dude walking down the beach, while he pointed at Andy.
"I know, right? F&^% me."
"ANDY! There is a child over there."
"I don't care. Well, I guess I shouldn't have said it so loud."
"Andy do you want my shorts? I'll wear your jeans." offered Rob.
"Yes."
"So now you are both going to be standing here in your underwear? Awesome. You do know other people can see you, right?"
"Yes. Mr. Chuckles is still over there laughing."
*Full disclosure-- This wasn't a date, but it was too funny not to share. Thanks Andy and Rob for being sports about making an appearance in the blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment