My friend Leslie once told me I am better than prime time TV.
She also says she sees me as more of a cartoon character than real flesh and blood human.
She might be right.
I guess when that anvil falls from the sky the question will be settled once and for all.
Or maybe I'll just tune into Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and watch my first televised date and see how I do at a 9:00 time slot...
Hope I'm not competing with The Big Bang Theory!
I at least got lucky in my type of televised date. It is doing something I am good at: eating Italian food, not skiing down a hill backwards in a bikini like the Bachelor contestant vying for Ben's heart last season.
Yes, I watch the Bachelor. Its a relief to watch other people on awkward dates! If I spent all day thinking of my own awkward dates I might bag this whole experiment, I mean experience.
Who wants that?
Certainly none of you :)
Anyway... So you are probably wondering how I ended up on Kitchen Nightmares. Quite luckily for me, a friend of mine is a producer for Gordon Ramsey and hooked me up with a reservation for four to a segment being filmed in Long Beach.
However, the catch was that it was on Thursday night.
And I had already made plans with Zach for Thursday, since he was leaving for a business trip on Friday and would be gone for 10 days.
He, luckily, is easy-going and up for anything, and agreed to be filmed scarfing down what we hoped would be good food. He also agreed to drag along his roommate Justin since I was bringing Allison to round out our foursome.
Nothing like a semi-double date that is being filmed to make me freak out about what I am going to wear all over again! Oh, and did I mention that they sent us a list of what we should and shouldn't wear to look our best on camera?
Subdued colors. No patterns.
Ummm... I pretty much only own two types of clothing.
Bright colors. Fantastic patterns.
Can you see why I struggled getting dressed for my Prime Time debut?
Allison came to my house, and Zach and Justin picked us up. I was a glass of wine deep when they arrived and took Allison's unfinished glass for a the road. Clearly, I needed to steady my nerves for my close-up!
When we arrived at the restaurant, we had to sign over our first born child, and have our picture taking holding a sign that said "Crigger". I suppose so they could flash our names under our faces when they put us on camera.
Or so they could come to collect that child in a few years...
After we listened to a speech on the dos and don'ts of reality TV (make natural conversation, no cursing, no vulgar gestures or nose picking, etc...) we were deemed ready to go stand in a line and wait to be called to dinner! Clearly, Snooki didn't get the same pep talk before Jersey Show started filming.
As we walked into the restaurant we were followed by a camera crew and I just couldn't help feeling a little "campy". I did resist the urge to skip and open the door with a ridiculous flourishing bow, but it took all my strength!
Once we were seated a very nervous waiter came by with menus and took our drink order. He then disappeared for 20 minutes. We would occasionally see him flutter around nervously, but never near enough to our table for us to actually inquire if we were ever going to get our bottle of wine or beers. During this long interlude another production assistant came by the table.
"Be sure to tell us what you like, what you don't like. If you love something or hate it say it. That goes for food, decor, drinks, etc..."
"Well, I can tell you what I don't like. The fact that we have been waiting on our wine for 25 minutes." I replied.
"Alright. Good to know." He said.
"Can you send someone over here with the wine? That might improve our impression. And most certainly our conversation" I said.
"I'll see what I can do." He said scurrying away.
About 15 seconds later the skittish waiter returned only to tell us that all the wine glasses were dirty, so that was what was taking so long.
"Alright. Thanks." said Allison.
As he walked away, I said. "You know how you get clean glasses? You wash them."
Chill out. I said it under my breath. I'm not that mean. Plus, I don't want him to spit in my food. Or cry. He did seem so nervous about his TV debut.
Fifteen minutes later our wine arrived via a new waitress.
"I'll be taking over for *what's his face*. He is swamped. I'm not really a waitress. I just know the owner so I am here helping out. I'm sorry there aren't any wine glasses. I hope these are okay?" She said setting down what appeared to be candle holders. "Can I take your order?"
"That's nice of you to help! I have a few questions." I said.
"Of course you do." said Allison. "You always have questions."
"Well... I'm a vegetarian. So I just wondered about your recommendations for those of us on the herbivore train."
"You know I'm not really sure. Let me go ask Gordon."
Wow, she is on a first name basis with Gordon. Whatever he tells me to eat, I'll eat!
"Great! Thanks so much."
"You know we aren't ever actually going to get to order." said Zach with a smile. "And what are these? Candle holders?" He asked picking up my "wine glass".
"I know right! But at this point I don't even care. Fill up my candle!"
The waitress, who wasn't really a waitress, returned shortly with some dinner suggestions and we ordered. And then we proceeded to have a conversation about really awful last names, like Titlow, Buttkovich, Gassman, etc...
Oh, and did I mention that this is what the film crew decided to film? They sure can spot a stimulating conversation! We all agreed after they had scurried away to film a guy yelling about how his pasta tasted like tires, that had they not been filming we might actually have been having a normal conversation.
Allison and I were through one bottle of wine and on to another before our dinner arrived. And while the conversation flowed smoothly and Zach worked hard to make conversation with my friend (which I must admit I love when someone works to include everyone), it really was never anything that Gordon would want to air.
Plus, we had too much competition.
A family with adorable kids beside us.
Some BIG foodies behind us.
Loud complainers across the way.
All we talked about in terms of the restaurant was how hard the booth bench was, why we drinking out of candle holders, and who did Gordon's make-up and if we could afford to hire them.
We did, however, all agree, when our food finally arrived, the vegetarian fare was the best! That was too be expected, after all Gordon recommended it!
After much laughter, some bad pizza, alot of wine, and a delicious basil patty which had a very fancy name, we were politely asked to leave the restaurant so the staff and owners could have some one on one time with Gordon.
The drive home was too short.
As they always seem to be after a good date.
Back at my apartment, Zach helped me out of the car and planted the briefest of kisses on my lips.
I found myself wishing that Allison and Justin weren't with us so we could have a proper kiss.
Complete with the foot pop!
As I walked inside and he pulled away, I found myself dreading the next ten days because it meant I wouldn't be seeing Zach.
This is new territory.
I usually love it when people I am seeing leave town or are really busy.
It means I am off the hook.
It means I can go out with other people.
Or take back to back yoga classes and leave dishes piled in my sink for two days.
This not wanting to be off the hook is a very different feeling.
Very different indeed.
And much to my surprise, I quite like it.
She also says she sees me as more of a cartoon character than real flesh and blood human.
She might be right.
I guess when that anvil falls from the sky the question will be settled once and for all.
Or maybe I'll just tune into Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and watch my first televised date and see how I do at a 9:00 time slot...
Hope I'm not competing with The Big Bang Theory!
I at least got lucky in my type of televised date. It is doing something I am good at: eating Italian food, not skiing down a hill backwards in a bikini like the Bachelor contestant vying for Ben's heart last season.
Yes, I watch the Bachelor. Its a relief to watch other people on awkward dates! If I spent all day thinking of my own awkward dates I might bag this whole experiment, I mean experience.
Who wants that?
Certainly none of you :)
Anyway... So you are probably wondering how I ended up on Kitchen Nightmares. Quite luckily for me, a friend of mine is a producer for Gordon Ramsey and hooked me up with a reservation for four to a segment being filmed in Long Beach.
However, the catch was that it was on Thursday night.
And I had already made plans with Zach for Thursday, since he was leaving for a business trip on Friday and would be gone for 10 days.
He, luckily, is easy-going and up for anything, and agreed to be filmed scarfing down what we hoped would be good food. He also agreed to drag along his roommate Justin since I was bringing Allison to round out our foursome.
Nothing like a semi-double date that is being filmed to make me freak out about what I am going to wear all over again! Oh, and did I mention that they sent us a list of what we should and shouldn't wear to look our best on camera?
Subdued colors. No patterns.
Ummm... I pretty much only own two types of clothing.
Bright colors. Fantastic patterns.
Can you see why I struggled getting dressed for my Prime Time debut?
Allison came to my house, and Zach and Justin picked us up. I was a glass of wine deep when they arrived and took Allison's unfinished glass for a the road. Clearly, I needed to steady my nerves for my close-up!
When we arrived at the restaurant, we had to sign over our first born child, and have our picture taking holding a sign that said "Crigger". I suppose so they could flash our names under our faces when they put us on camera.
Or so they could come to collect that child in a few years...
After we listened to a speech on the dos and don'ts of reality TV (make natural conversation, no cursing, no vulgar gestures or nose picking, etc...) we were deemed ready to go stand in a line and wait to be called to dinner! Clearly, Snooki didn't get the same pep talk before Jersey Show started filming.
As we walked into the restaurant we were followed by a camera crew and I just couldn't help feeling a little "campy". I did resist the urge to skip and open the door with a ridiculous flourishing bow, but it took all my strength!
Once we were seated a very nervous waiter came by with menus and took our drink order. He then disappeared for 20 minutes. We would occasionally see him flutter around nervously, but never near enough to our table for us to actually inquire if we were ever going to get our bottle of wine or beers. During this long interlude another production assistant came by the table.
"Be sure to tell us what you like, what you don't like. If you love something or hate it say it. That goes for food, decor, drinks, etc..."
"Well, I can tell you what I don't like. The fact that we have been waiting on our wine for 25 minutes." I replied.
"Alright. Good to know." He said.
"Can you send someone over here with the wine? That might improve our impression. And most certainly our conversation" I said.
"I'll see what I can do." He said scurrying away.
About 15 seconds later the skittish waiter returned only to tell us that all the wine glasses were dirty, so that was what was taking so long.
"Alright. Thanks." said Allison.
As he walked away, I said. "You know how you get clean glasses? You wash them."
Chill out. I said it under my breath. I'm not that mean. Plus, I don't want him to spit in my food. Or cry. He did seem so nervous about his TV debut.
Fifteen minutes later our wine arrived via a new waitress.
"I'll be taking over for *what's his face*. He is swamped. I'm not really a waitress. I just know the owner so I am here helping out. I'm sorry there aren't any wine glasses. I hope these are okay?" She said setting down what appeared to be candle holders. "Can I take your order?"
"That's nice of you to help! I have a few questions." I said.
"Of course you do." said Allison. "You always have questions."
"Well... I'm a vegetarian. So I just wondered about your recommendations for those of us on the herbivore train."
"You know I'm not really sure. Let me go ask Gordon."
Wow, she is on a first name basis with Gordon. Whatever he tells me to eat, I'll eat!
"Great! Thanks so much."
"You know we aren't ever actually going to get to order." said Zach with a smile. "And what are these? Candle holders?" He asked picking up my "wine glass".
"I know right! But at this point I don't even care. Fill up my candle!"
The waitress, who wasn't really a waitress, returned shortly with some dinner suggestions and we ordered. And then we proceeded to have a conversation about really awful last names, like Titlow, Buttkovich, Gassman, etc...
Oh, and did I mention that this is what the film crew decided to film? They sure can spot a stimulating conversation! We all agreed after they had scurried away to film a guy yelling about how his pasta tasted like tires, that had they not been filming we might actually have been having a normal conversation.
Allison and I were through one bottle of wine and on to another before our dinner arrived. And while the conversation flowed smoothly and Zach worked hard to make conversation with my friend (which I must admit I love when someone works to include everyone), it really was never anything that Gordon would want to air.
Plus, we had too much competition.
A family with adorable kids beside us.
Some BIG foodies behind us.
Loud complainers across the way.
All we talked about in terms of the restaurant was how hard the booth bench was, why we drinking out of candle holders, and who did Gordon's make-up and if we could afford to hire them.
We did, however, all agree, when our food finally arrived, the vegetarian fare was the best! That was too be expected, after all Gordon recommended it!
After much laughter, some bad pizza, alot of wine, and a delicious basil patty which had a very fancy name, we were politely asked to leave the restaurant so the staff and owners could have some one on one time with Gordon.
The drive home was too short.
As they always seem to be after a good date.
Back at my apartment, Zach helped me out of the car and planted the briefest of kisses on my lips.
I found myself wishing that Allison and Justin weren't with us so we could have a proper kiss.
Complete with the foot pop!
As I walked inside and he pulled away, I found myself dreading the next ten days because it meant I wouldn't be seeing Zach.
This is new territory.
I usually love it when people I am seeing leave town or are really busy.
It means I am off the hook.
It means I can go out with other people.
Or take back to back yoga classes and leave dishes piled in my sink for two days.
This not wanting to be off the hook is a very different feeling.
Very different indeed.
And much to my surprise, I quite like it.
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