Less than excited...

So after four dates with Zach I decided I liked him too much and needed to go out with some different guys. After all I am kissing him on Ferris wheels at fairs and holding his hand in public. Obviously, I am having some sort of psychotic break.

Or maybe I am just genuinely falling for him.

To be honest, I'm not sure which is scarier. Losing my mind or losing my heart?
Probably losing my heart when I don't know where the other person stands. Plus, I hear that when you lose your mind you don't actually know it.
So... Maybe I just answered my own quandary.

Either way, I was getting a bit too comfortable, too early in this relationship, and I needed to take a step back.
I don't want to end up dedicating The Achy-Breaky Heart to him during Open-Mic Night at the Gypsy Den. Not that I've ever done that, or something similar to that.
I have, however, experienced some awful second-hand embarrassment while watching people profess their love in a similar fashion at said Den of the Gypsies.

This much I know to be true. Beer and gypsies make people do crazy things.

So naturally, when Stephen texted me for roughly the 13th time saying we should get together, I readily agreed.
I needed something to take the edge off Zach.
(Is it just me or am I starting to sound like a drug addict? Am I addicted to dating?)
Plus, I was going to be in LA on Wednesday, so squeezing in a drink with him would be easy.
This could not have come at a more opportune time. 
I swear, men know when you are interested in someone else, and they all start coming out of the woodwork again. It is like their 6th sense!

But, to be perfectly honest there was nothing I wanted to do less than meet a guy who wasn't Zach for a drink. Despite the fact that Stephen has some of the nicest arms I've ever seen.

Then why do it you ask?

The answer is easy.
Zach manages to sneak into my thoughts at the most unexpected times.
Someone mentions the windy city and there is his smiling face.
I see a baby with curly dark hair and find myself wondering if that's what his hair looked like when he was a baby.
When my phone rings in the middle of the day I irrationally hope its him on the other end, despite it being my office phone.
I hear that an awesome band is coming to play in my neighborhood and I find myself wondering if he likes them and would want to go?
And this goes on, and on, and on... in various forms at other trigger points.
It is skating along the insane line, and I know it.
I have got to reel the crazy back in like a giant marlin.
At least knew I needed to break out of the only seeing Zach-phase, or run the risk of being in deeper than I was ready to be.
And even worse, being out in the deep end, all alone.
Isn't the first knowing you have a problem?
So clearly I needed to go on a date with someone new and remind myself that Zach was not the end-all, be-all of men in Southern California.
At least until we have a DTR and he tells me what I want to hear; that he doesn't want to date anyone else and that he doesn't want me to date anyone else.

At which point I will more than happily oblige his request.

So Zach, if you happen to be reading this, just do it.
Tell me to quit this crazy dating game and just date you.
Because as nice as I am sure he will be, I don't really want to go out with Stephen.

I only want to be going out with you.